The Wedding
by Waenhir
Summary: When the crew of the Normandy decided it was time that Garrus and Shepard tied the knot, everyone chipped in for the preparation. It was to be the perfect wedding for the couple, but with the motley crew in charge, was it?
1. Chapter 1

_Summary:_ _When the crew of the Normandy decided it was time that Garrus and Shepard tied the knot, everyone chipped in for the preparation. It was to be the perfect wedding for the couple, but with the motley crew in charge, was it?_

* * *

A huffing and puffing Grunt came running past the window behind which Garrus sat with one talon massaging his head. The floor of the ship started to vibrate and he opened one eye to watch the parade of huffings and puffings.

"How many Krogans are there on this ship?" he asked.

"About twenty eight, the whole of the best leaders in the fucking Aralakh company," Zaeed answered him.

Garrus shook his head slowly. Then he just stopped and opened both his eyes when a figure appeared at the window, following the line of Krogan war band.

"Is that...," Garrus pointed at it. "Is that Vega at the end of the line?"

Zaeed turned to watch the human huffed and puffed like the rest of the Krogans as he ran passed.

"That was James alright," Zaeed answered after the human had rounded the corner and disappeared from view. "Can't really tell if you aren't really looking, can you? That guy is build like a baby Krogan."

"My head," Garrus said, closing his eye again. "I've got the biggest sledgehammer doing a number inside right now. Where are we going again?"

"Rannoch," Zaeed smiled.

"Why are we going there?" Garrus asked.

"It's a fucking surprise! But I tell you, mate," Zaeed was excited. "I've brought enough alcohol to put our last party at the Citadel to shame."

"Why are we going to Rannoch again?" Garrus needed an answer.

"Not getting it out of me, mate. But you'll fucking love us for the surprise."

Garrus covered his eyes with his talon. The floor started to vibrate again.

"Did Grunt just run past again with his krogans?" Garrus did not look up this time.

"Yap," Zaeed said. "He just did. They do that daily, three times a day. Don't bother walking this floor at those times. They are like the fucking charging Spanish bulls. They don't stop to even say hello after they storm and step over you.

"Spirits, he and his company's running is killing me. The thumping...," Garrus groaned.

"You rather have them come in here to say hi instead? I could call them."

"Nevermind," Garrus answered. "We'll will let them run. Who the hell turn on the spotlights?"

"Those are the usual lights, mate." Zaeed shook his head.

"Spirits, I hate being drugged," Garrus said. "Wait till I get my hands on those guys."

"Get in line," Zaeed laughed. "You might not have anything left to get your hands on after Shepard's done with them."

* * *

The war was already over for soon to be half a decade.

The Reapers had been gone four years.

Garrus and Shepard were more or less settled in their daily routine as a couple.

The universe was once again alive and bustling with life. Rebuilding process was still ongoing but most of the work were already finished.

Many brilliant minds were left behind with the billions on Earth that faithful day the Reapers were destroyed. As if what had happened was planned by an unseen divinity rooting for the universe's survival, these minds comprised of so many different and yet vital areas of needs that when they got together to come up with plans for survival after the relays went offline, they found that they were able to do more than just set up programs for survival. Plans were then drawn up to revive the universe, bringing it back to its former glory one step at a time, using all the talents and innovations from everyone across the races. The first on the list to be fixed were the Geth, who had all gone offline after the relays went dead, the same time the Reapers died. With the help of the best minds in technology and science working together, the Geth who had come with the rest of the races to the Battle of Earth had all been made fully functional again in little less than a few months. It was not as hard as people had thought. All they needed to do was to put one Geth back into operation and the rest was easy. One reawakened Geth could setup a network to reboot close to a hundred of its kind. And when that hundred were functional, the rest were enabled within days.

These Geth, working ten times faster and never needing rest like the organics did, was able to repair and rebuild with greater efficiency than anyone else, allowing within months, the first rely to come back online. Within a year, all the relays around the major home planets of the different races were all working and transporting cargoes and civilians again. The world had finally come to a golden age of peace and friendship with races remembering how they had fought the greatest battle of all time together as one entity.

Of all the people who could have found Commander Shepard and nursed her back to life, and the last person anyone would have thought to even care enough to take up the job, was the ex-queen of Omega.

It was Aria, not the Alliance, who started a grid search immediately after the war was over, taking three whole weeks of non-stop working and digging to find and extract survivors. Out of the three hundred survivors found, Shepard was among them.

It took the crew of the crashed Normandy SR2 exactly a year to get back to Earth, the Normandy itself arrived home in pieces to be rebuilt again following the crew's departure.

None of the non-human crew members went back to their home planets because they all had the same mind to get to the Earth first, knowing that Shepard was found alive.

By the time Garrus and the Normandy's crew arrived on Earth, Shepard was out of coma, thanks to her enhanced cybernetics, and Aria was acting like a protective mother hen.

"No sex till she's fully functional," Aria warned Garrus when he first came rushing into the bunker. "Or I'll cut your Turian balls out and sling it on to the top of that clock tower."

And so, for the next two months, Shepard was mothered by the self-appointed nurse - Aria, her Turian boyfriend, her friends and crew members from the Normandy till one day, Aria decided too many people were hampering Shepard's rest and full recovery.

So, Aria ended up striking a deal with Wrex to send the Commander to Tuchanka to stay out the rest of her recovery. That was when the rest of the crew finally dispersed and went home to their planets, except the Turian.

That was more than three years ago.

Tuchanka rebuilt at a pace that rivaled Earth. Many of the krogans who had fought in the war had seen enough of other beautiful worlds to want the same for theirs. Air filtering facilities spawned up first all over the planet, cleaning up the air while buildings and farm lands started to appear all across the planet. Female krogans no longer stay in camps under guard. Instead, they too, started working in building constructions, farming and engaging in the occasional brawl over some glasses of ryncol.

When Aria told Wrex Shepard was to be sent to Tuchanka, the first thing he did was to obtain a good size bunker cabin which had its own air and water filtration system. It had a walk-in freezer where Wrex stocked up on whatever Dextro and Levo food he could get his hands on in the aftermath of the war. So, the cabin was not only comfortable, it was a well stocked and self-contained fortification. And knowing its two occupants, armed better than a Turian warship.

So it came as a shock to the Omega's boss when she and Wrex walked in one day four and a half years after the war was over to find a messy, emptied bunker.

"They had a lover's spat?" Aria asked. "Never thought the Turian dared. Shepard would have tore him a new one."

"No blood here," Wrex said. "And the two don't fight the way we define fighting. They point their weapons outwards, never towards each other."

"Then how the fuck do you explain the mess?" Aria asked. "It's definitely not your Tuchanka wind."

"Beats me," Wrex shrugged. "Maybe they decided to go skinny dipping in a rush?"

"Look krogan," Aria said. "I've known you long enough to know you're as worried as I am. So quit the show and let's find out what the hell happened here."

"Or what?" Wrex laughed. "Or you'll try your best to kill me like you've tried before?"

Aria watched the Battlemaster from beyond her eyelashes. Slowly, her mouth craved into a smile,

"You know what happened to them, don't you?" she asked.

"I know they won't be harmed," Wrex said. "Although I won't say they aren't in danger."

"What the fuck happened here?" Aria asked. "Look Wrex, I've invested a lot of time and effort bringing Shepard back from the dead. She's as much mine as she's the Turian's. So you have better tell me what happened to those two or I will tear through Tuchanka finding them. And it will cost you only more work to rebuild what you have been rebuilding."

"You're welcome to try, mom," Wrex smirked.

"Just tell her, Urdnot Wrex," Bakara said, walking into the bunker carrying their youngest. "Can't you tell Aria is worried sick?"

"I can't tell," Wrex said, enjoying himself.

"Oh, you insufferable bastard," Asia said under her breath.

"It's nothing bad," Bakara told Aria. "Sit down and I'll tell you."

* * *

_Notes:_ _I have not read many weddings on these two. Noted, there are some and they are all very good but I think these two deserve a longer wedding than others. So, on my way to finishing Choices, Choices, I have planned in my head, a series of chapters that revolves around that one event - their wedding._

_08/21- I am looking through the first few chapters again and editing them. I never actually liked how I wrote the earlier chapters. Now that I have more time, I will go back through them and twit them._


	2. Chapter 2

"There. On the monitor. Something's wrong," a voice said. "Heart rate increasing. O2 level decreasing. Breath intake doubled."

"Oh my God, Miranda. I think she's waking up," another voice called out. "She's moving her arms. Stop her from tearing out the tubes, someone!"

"Damn it! Give her more of the sedative," the first voice said. "Miranda, stop her from moving around. We just need a few minutes more for the administrations."

"Shepard," Miranda caught the hand Shepard was waving around. "Don't try to move. Just lie still. Try to stay calm."

Didn't Miranda said those words before? Those words... Where in the world did Shepard hear those words? She opened her heavy eyes with great difficulty and saw a blurry Miranda to her left, looking down at Shepard as she tried to catch her hand. Oh yes, Shepard had seen this scene before. Okay, this looked way too familiar. She did not like this scene one bit.

"Oh no," Shepard slurred. "No. No. No. No. Not happening. I'm not going through the whole "I died and was brought back again" shit."

"What are you mumbling about?" Miranda said, finally catching the strayed hand and placing it by the side. "Quit moving like a child!"

"Quit rebuilding me...," Shepard said.

"Must be the sedatives," another voice Shepard knew but could not recognized, said. "She's having some vivid dreams."

"Oh fuck," Shepard said. "Don't tell me I still have Collectors to fight. Tell the Illusive Man to go burn them off with his cigarettes."

"Well, she's definitely talking to herself," Miranda said. "But she's not dreaming. She's awake. Delirious. We need more sedatives. Bring it here."

"Fuck you, Princess Leia," Shepard said and flung her right hand over to hit, but missed, Miranda. "Fuck you and the two buns you have on..."

"Who the hell is Princess Leia?" Miranda asked.

"Maybe some krogan clan female warrior?" Doctor Chakwas asked.

"Never heard of her," the third voice said. "If she is famous, she would have been placed under my radar."

"Stuff your buns in the oven," Shepard was saying. "Not mine..."

"And what buns are she talking about?" Miranda asked.

"These buns?" Doctor Chakwas pointed a finger at Miranda's chest only to have it smacked away.

"We need to get out now...," Shepard whined. "The trolls are writing on our walls... Never give idiots the gift of words..."

"I don't think she's making much sense right now," the other voice said.

"Oh," Miranda said. "You only noticed that now?"

"I want to go home!" Shepard said, trying to struggle but having no strength. "Where the hell is Garrus? Is he calibrating again? He was supposed to make tea!"

"Garrus is here," that was Doctor Chakwas. "You'll be just fine, dear."

"Chakwas? Is that you?" Shepard said. "What the hell? What's going on here?"

"Looks like she's more lucid now," Miranda said.

"Here," the voice Shepard knew but could not remember said. "We better get her under."

"Liara?" Shepard finally remembered the last voice. "What the hell is going on?"

"Don't worry, Shepard," Laria said.

Shepard felt a sharp pain on the side of her neck just as she shouted, "Garrus! Shoot these bitches!"

"So much for lucid," Doctor Chakwas shook her head.

"So much for retirement," she heard Miranda said. "These two go bongus when it comes to shooting people."

"Pull out the pole and beat the shit out of these...," Shepard lost her last words and fell back into unconsciousness."

"They are meant for each other for sure," Doctor Chakwas said. "Shall we proceed?"

"Lets," Liara said. "And lets hope she doesn't remember wanting to beat us up with the pole in Garrus' ass when she wakes."

"We can always hope," Miranda said.

The two lifted an eyebrow and watched her.

"I did rebuild her," she said. "I know what I put in there. She's not going to forget that easily."

"Well," the doctor said. "Let's hope that she thinks it was a dream then."

"No," Liara said. "Let's all make her think so. This way at least we buy the time to which when we tell her."

"Lets," Miranda echoed Liara.  
-

Talking to Kaiden Alenko was like talking to a broken record. Tali was close to wanting to shoot that man herself. He should thank his god that they were speaking via comm link and not in person at that moment. And, of course, Alenko had no idea, as usual, how infuriating he was acting.

"Kaiden," Tali said, trying to sound calm. "Why are you so focus on Shepard leaving the Alliance? Can't you just focus on the fact that she has done more than enough for everyone and it's time she has her own life?"

"You don't just leave the Alliance!" Alenko said. "You sworn your service to the Alliance and you never betray them!"

"You're a bosh'tet," Tali said. "You know? After all these years you're still running around in circle talking about the same old thing? You're asking someone who had saved the universe and everyone's ass in it to not have the luxury to retire? To not have the chance to some peace herself?"

"We are at peace!" Alenko said. "The Alliance could use her now! But she walked right off the face of the Earth and disappeared again! She just walked out on us again!"

"Errr...," Tali said. "She was a mess, remember, Kaiden? In a coma for six months, remember? Aria took a lot out of her own resources to patch her up, remember? She didn't just disappear. She had to recuperate from all her injuries!"

"The Alliance could have taken care of her," Alenko insisted. "There was no need to go into hiding!"

"She wasn't exactly hiding. She was healing. All of us knew she was on Tuchanka under Wrex and Aria's care. Only the general public did not know that!"

"I didn't know that!" Alenko shouted.

"Oh..."

Damn it. So that was why Alenko was so angry about. Did it matter if Tali tell him they did try to reach and to inform him of Shepard's change in address but he did not answer them? He was too busy helping with the rebuilding of the Alliance and had not returned any of her calls or that of Liara's. Well, granted, the two only tried calling him one time each. They were busy rebuilding their own homes, as well, and none did think of just leaving a message... This was going no where.

"Fine," Tali said. "Now can we move on from the Alliance and talk about her personal day? Are you coming or not?"

"Why didn't she call me herself?" Alenko asked.

"Because," Tali sighed. "She doesn't know it yet!"

"How could she not know? It's her own wedding day!"

"Because it's a fucking surprise!" Tali shouted.

"How the hell did that happen?" Alenko asked. "Doesn't she know she's getting married?"

"I told you," Tali wanted to die. "It's a surprise!"

"How could you surprise someone with their own wedding?" Alenko was shouting as well. "What if she doesn't want to be married?"

"She does and she will!" Tali said. "Now are you coming or not?"

"You sound like a dictator," Alenko said.

"No," Tali replied. "But I'm a freaking Grand Admiral and what I say, goes! Now are you coming or not?"

"So, you're saying she is not inviting me herself because she does not know it yet?" Alenko asked again.

"Yes!" Tali said.

"And that you are the one arranging the whole thing?"

"Yes!" Tali said. "Me and Laria, and Miranda, and Doctor Chakwas, and a lot of others on the crew!"

"Will Wrex be there?" Alenko asked.

"He's giving her away," Tali said. "So of course the Krogan will be here. He and his family of little Krogans will be here a few days before the wedding."

"Joker?" Alenko asked.

"He's the best man," Tali said. "We wanted to make him the bridesmaid, but then we found out bridesmaid are all supposed to be females. So he is stuck with the best man's role."

"Will Garrus be there?" Alenko asked.

"He is the fucking groom!" Tali said. "What the hell do you think?"

"So everyone from the original team will also be there?" Alenko asked.

"Yes," Tali said. "Even Hackett will be coming. So don't tell me you aren't when your superior officer is coming too."

"I don't know, Tali...," Alenko rubbed his neck and looked sheepishly at her. "It's a little hard to..."

"Kaiden," Tali said. "If you're still embarrassed over the whole clone incident back at the Citadel, don't. No one will make you feel bad about that. It was for a good laugh only. And that ended when we had to be serious about the Reapers, remember?"

"Yeah," Alenko said. "But still..."

"Ok," Tali put both her feet down. "I have enough trying to talk you into coming. I am ordering you here, solider! Am I clear?"

"I guess I can make time," Alenko said. "Take time off and be there in time for the wedding."

"No guessing! It's an order and that is it! Get it?"

"Yes," Alenko said. "Got it."

Tali said goodbye and hung up. If she had known it would only take for her to give the invitation as an order to Alenko for him to immediately say yes, she would have simply called him up and barked the order out at him. She would not need to spend the last hour trying to debate the need for Shepard to not have to continue to work for the Alliance. Trying to convince the Qurian Fleet was much easier than trying to convince Kaiden Alenko of anything. She felt sorry for those under him when he rose further in his rank in the future. Now, she just wonder if she needed to feel sorry for herself for promising that the team would not give Alenko a hard time regarding what had happened on the ship during the the time the Shepard clone had taken over. With Wrex and Joker and Zaeed being there...

"Bosh'tet," Tali said to herself. "My life has just gotten more complicated for no reason. Why didn't I just pretend to forget to call him instead? Shepard would have done just that!"

"I do not comprehend," a rebuilt Legion answered.

"It's ok, Legion," Tali said. "You were not there when the team had a little fun at Kaiden's expense. I just made a promise they won't use that at the wedding as the joke of the century and I think I'm going to eat my own words."

"Do we need to come to a consensus on how to deal with it?" Legion asked.

"It's ok," Tali said. "I'll just pretend I'm drunk on that day. For all we know, I just might be. And make a fool of myself again when I do. Bosh'tet, I have made fools of myself enough times drunk and you don't see me running for cover when they make fun of me the way he does."

When Legion just looked at her, flapping his panels, Tali simply sighed long and shook her head.

"Come on," she said. "Let's do a final diagnostics on your system. If everything is fine, that's it. You're a fully functional Geth Mobile Unit again! Talk about some wonderful wedding gifts we'll be giving Shepard and Garrus."

"I am grateful that Creator-Tali-Zora was able to retrieve and revive me as well," Legion said.

"I'm only half the team here," Tali said. "If the Geth wasn't reactivated, I could never have been able to revive you. And I am glad you're here with us again. Life won't be the same without you poking your nose around into everything everyone is doing."

"Thank you, Creator-Tali-Zora," Legion said. "We take that as a compliment."

"I think I better run some more tests on you," Tali said. "Wonder why you keep switching to and from saying "I" and "we". Come on, lets move on over to the work station. After that, I need to go check on the wedding preparation before going to see how the Geth are doing with deco of the new house for the two love birds."

"Acknowledged," Legion said and followed Tali out of the room. "May we suggest sunset purple for the babies' room?"


	3. Chapter 3

"There we are," Miranda said when Shepard began to wake. "All's well ..."

A fist met her face and she stumbled. As she did, Miranda clumsily brought with her the entire metal tray of medical equipment, sending everything from trays to styluses to data pads flying and landing with clanking and chattering all over the floor.

"Take that, Princess," Shepard said with great satisfaction. "Go find Obi-Wan Kenobi yourself!"

"Shepard!" Liara ran forward to stop her hand as her fist hit Miranda and Shepard immediately slammed the other fist into Liara's face at lightning speed. The force of the punch swung Liara around and down onto the floor like a flash at the opposite side of the room from Miranda.

"Drown, you Creature from the Black Lagoon!" Shepard cheered and then fell right back onto bed like she had never woken up.

"Why do I always have to be the one sedating her?" Doctor Chakwas asked, stepping up from behind Shepard with an emptied syringe. The doctor had rushed up from the back and had given Shepard yet another jab when she saw Miranda going down.

"You should know her well enough to not stand in front of her when she's like this," she continued. "You've seen her hallucinating. Gosh, to think you two are supposed to be the smartest among the lot."

"You never warned us she would be like that everytime!" Miranda said, picking herself up and hobbling back. "You were her doctor! You knew! You should have at least warned us!"

"I've gotten so used to it," Doctor Chakwas realized. "It never really crossed my mind to ever do what you two just did. She had always been that way. Wasn't she like that when you woke her in that Cerberus base?"

"I woke her over the comm!" Miranda said. "Thank God I did."

Liara picked herself up from the other end of the room as well.

"I think she bruised my eye," she was clearly in pain.

"You think?" Miranda asked.

When the two came back closer, they each had one hand covering an eye.

"She still has spunk," Miranda told the rest. "Got to give her that."

"Let me see," the two women took their hands away when Doctor Chakwas gestured.

Doctor Chakwas choked back laughter when she saw Miranda spotting a black eye on her right while Liara was spotting a purple one on her left. Their bruises synced so well that with them side by side, the doctor could almost make out the shape of the sigil for the Turian banner of the First Regiment.

"And she sure has some good fist prints," the doctor finally laughed. "So much for flawless bridesmaids."

"What are we to do?" Liara asked.

"More concealer, I guess?" Miranda checked her reflection on the back of one of the metal pans she picked up from the assortment of stuffs all over the floor. "Damn! She got my flattering side!"

"I was talking about her," Liara pointed at the unconscious Shepard. "Do we need to sedate her till we arrive at Rannoch? She's too tough to deal with."

"We can't leave her sedated like that the entire journey," Miranda said. "Garrus will kill us all if he finds out. I don't really want to mess with a pissed off Archangel. I've met him. Plus, it's not the best thing for her right now."

"How did you deal with Shepard while she was waking up?" Miranda asked Doctor Chakwas. "Clearly, you are the most experienced one here."

"Oh, trust me," Doctor Chakwas told them both. "I was never in the med bay when she woke. Mordin made the mistake the first time, he almost lost the other horn. But leaving her waking alone on a strange ship would be far worse then being around her when she wakes. I have an idea though... Lets get out first."

* * *

Shepard opened her eyes to see two blue, expressive globes staring down back at her and her immediate reaction was to punch the lights of those globes out. And that was exactly what she did. Only this time, her fist collided with extremely hard surface instead of flesh and both attacker and victim cried out in pain.

"Holy cow!" Shepard shook out the pain in her fist. She was finally fully awake. "Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!"

"Fuck!" Garrus shouted, his talons had came up too late to block the blow. "What was that about?"

"Shit! Garrus," Shepard said. "When did your face turn into rocks?"

"When did you start punching people's faces in when you wake up?" Garrus asked back. "Spirits, I think you cracked a plate."

"Oh suck it up," Shepard said still hissing with pain. "I think your face broke my hand."

"Where the hell are we?" Shepard asked after taking a minute to make sure nothing was broken.

"On a frigate," Garrus said, rubbing his chin. "A brand new krogan one. First of its kind, I heard. You'll never guess its name."

"What?" Shepard asked.

"The Solus. Think our old friend, Wrex, had his hands in this."

"One of his way of thanking Mordin" Shepard said. "At least the krogans are great at giving him credit. Wrex will make it a point to put Mordin into the history books, at least. Mordin hardly got a mention by his own people." "I meant he had a hand in kidnapping us," Garrus corrected. "I heard you," Shepard replied. "They're doing way too much for just a practical joke. So where is the Solus heading?"

"Apparently, to Rannoch."

"God," Shepard said. "I feel like a shared pet. I'd wish they stop shuttering me from one planet to another in the name of looking after me. Have we overstayed our welcome in Tuchanka that much?"

"They said they have a surprise for us on Rannoch," Garrud told her what Zaeed told him. "Isn't it your birthday soon? Maybe a birthday celebration?"

"What?" Shepard said. "By drugging us and dragging our asses half way across the galaxy? For a birthday party? Miranda and Liara have nothing else to do? They're so in need of some slugging."

"I think you did that already," Garrus laughed. "Guess who else is involved? Keelah Shepard, what did you do again?" He mimicked their Quarian friend.

"Oh shit," Shepard said. "The great Tali Zorah Vas Normandy. We're so screwed."

* * *

"What did you guys do to me?" Shepard asked as she downed the entire glass of water, then signaled Garrus to pour her more. "I'm so thirsty..."

As Shepard drained her second glass of water, she looked at the handiwork she had done on the two ladies in front of her. Miranda's black eye had swell up to the point where she could hardly open it. She had opted into wearing an eye patch to hide the swelling. With her black leather outfit and those high heel boots, she now looked like a super model dominatrix pirate. Liara was luckier. Her eye was not swollen and only the bruise was a dark purple. Shepard had an uncanny feeling that Liara's bruise had the shape of something she had seen before. She kept her eyes on those two as she passed the glass to Garrus for more water.

"Well, we were thinking of telling you when we landed during the big surprise, but then you kept waking up," Doctor Chakwas said, walking over to the kitchen island to get Shepard a new jar of water.

"Yes," Liara said and nodded to Miranda. "We really should tell them."

"Very well, I'll. Surprise, Shepard," Miranda sighed then said with a face of ice and absolute no sense of emotions. "You're..."

"That's not the way to give a surprise," Liara said. "You need to work on your expressions, Miranda."

"Do you want to do it?" Miranda opened her hand in an act of invitation. "If not, I'm doing it my way."

"No," Liara said. "Go on."

"Very well," Miranda came up in front of the two and sat opposite Shepard. Then she announced the surprise the way an A.I would announce the arrival of a train. "Surprise Shepard ..."

"I don't feel surprised," Shepard interrupted. "I feel like I should report to the principal's office instead."

"Miranda has zero sense when it comes to humor and fun," Garrus said. "It's hard to work up any emotions of surprise at all."

"I know fun!" Miranda said, standing up and hovering at the two seated, pointing her finger at them. "And I know humor!"

"You're not that perfect, Princess," Shepard laughed and started to down her third glass of water while watching Miranda.

"Congratulation Garrus, Shepard, you're pregnant," Miranda narrowed her eyes and just said it.

And in reaction to her words, Shepard spewed all the water she was holding in her mouth on to Miranda's face and then proceeded to choke and cough the rest away.

"What the fuck," Miranda looked down at her dripping form and cursed, this time with emotions.

"Now that's a good way to shock them," Doctor Chakwas passed her a dish cloth when she came back with the jar of water. Miranda reluctantly took the cloth with her index finger and thumb and started dabbing on her clothes.

"Did you just say Shepard is pregnant?" Garrus leaned back like he had just been hit with a brick. And that brick was still stuck on his face.

"That was what I said," Miranda said, dabbing her hand over her face to dry herself. There was no way in hell she was using that dish cloth on her face.

"She's pregnant?" Garrus asked again. "Who's child is it?"

And immediately his jaws felt the same pain it did when Shepard punched him earlier. Shepard had backhand slapped him on the same cheek.

"Ouch! Shepard!" Garrus said.

Although stilll choking and coughing and not making out any words, Shepard's face gave Garrus all the expressions he needed to tell him the last thing he should be asking was that very question he just asked.

"Yours, naturally," Doctor Chakwas said. "I would have expected the two of you to put it together by now that the three of us did not just sedated Shepard through half the journey to Rannoch just so to watch her hallucinate about movies and reenacting them when she woke. There are better ways to entertain ourselves."

"I did say both of you, didn't I?" Miranda looked from the shell shocked Garrus to the choking Shepard, then to Liara and Doctor Chakwas. Was she really such a bad bearer of surprises?

Liara was too overwhelmed by the display of shock in her friends to care about Miranda's questioning look while Doctor Chakwas just shrugged.

"They'll warm up to it," the doctor said and walked back into the med bay.

"That's all you have to say?" Shepard screamed and coughed after the doctor. "You knocked me up and that's all you have to say? Who told you we want a baby? I'm fucking pregnant? What the fuck were you thinking?"

"You guys always talked about wanting a Turian-human baby," Liara said. "And you two had given Mordin a lot of samples to work with. We thought..."

"We were joking!" Shepard was still screaming. "And Mordin was Mordin! How the hell do we know he was keeping samples?"

"I wasn't," Garrus suddenly said.

"What?" Shepard stopped screaming. "What?"

"I said I wasn't joking when I said I would like to see what a Turian-human baby look like," he said quietly.

"You weren't?" Shepard asked.

"Never was," Garrus said.

"You knew that was impossible, right?" Shepard asked.

"A Turian is allowed to dream," Garrus said. "And it seems like it's possible now."

"I'm the one pregnant here," Shepard said.

"Yes," Garrus said. "That I heard."

"You're saying you're ok with this?" Shepard asked.

"You want to kill it?" Garrus said. "Is that what you're saying? If this thing is real, don't you want it? We never really spoke much of it after the war but that was because we knew we couldn't. But now... Do you want to destroy this chance we're given?"

"No...," Shepard stopped. "But... But I'm the one pregnant. I'm going to be fat..."

"You're not going to be fat," Garrus said. "You'll be just fine."

"Have you seen pregnant human females before?" Shepard asked.

"Can't say I have," Garrus said.

"Well, we grow fat. We cry and then we eat. Then we cry some more and then we eat some more," Shepard made a face.

"Where did you get that kind of concept on pregnant women?" this time it was Miranda who was shocked.

"That's the truth," Shepard said again to make her point. "That's what happens. We eat tons of food and we grow fat. And then we lose our waist and never could get it back again! No more supportive waist, Garrus!"

"You're not going to grow fat," Garrus laughed. And then he too stopped when he finally heard what Shepard said. "Wait. She's not going to lose her waist, is she?"

Miranda and Liara both started speaking and shaking their heads.

"No, no. She won't," Liara said.

"It's just a couple of kilos," Miranda said. "She burns it right off in no time. No waist lost."

"Yes," Liara agreed. "No waist lost."

"See," Garrus reassured her.

Since Shepard could not make her point without actually telling them she was terrified of childbirth, she decided to shelf the matter first and in the meantime, resigned to her fate.

"Can you please explain to me how the fuck did you three knock me up?" she asked.

"Well," Miranda said. "Technically speaking, it was still Garrus who knocked you up. And Mordin helped. We just finished what they started."

"Even from the grave, Mordin can't keep his nose out of our business," Garrus shook his head.

"Thanks to him," Liara said. "And his rather extensive note keeping of you two, plus his collection of your two reproductive cells..."

"He kept my eggs?" Shepard asked the same time Garrus said, "He has my sperms?"

"How the hell did he get that?" Both said in unison.

"God only knows," Miranda said. "And frankly, I don't want to know. All I cared about was that they were healthy and frozen and ready for use when we were ready."

"It took us a couple of years of study," Liara said. "To finish what he had started."

"How did you guys get your hands on his stuffs?" Garrus asked. "Don't tell me the Shadow Broker has been stealing Mordin's things."

"No," Laria said. "Goddess, no."

"Mordin shared information he had gathered with Doctor Chakwas " Miranda said. "He sent me all his files before he went to Tuchanka to cure the Genophage. He knew I had a very good medical storage facility. He had a lot of ideas on a lot of things. Yours were only one of them. We found extensive notes on curing Vrolik syndrome, which I have since given to a doctor friend of mine who was the leading researcher on it before the war started. He also had studies on how to make Vorcha smarter. I think best to not announce to the world about that one."

"Trust Mordin to want to try that," Shepard said. "So what did you really do to me?"

"Besides making you punch us in the face?" Liara asked, smiling and pointing at her bruised eye.

"I'm not sorry about that," Shepard answered. "Didn't Chakwas tell you I get violent if I wasn't sedated properly?"

"We did give you the proper dosage, Shepard," Miranda said. "Aria must have enhanced the cybernetics I installed for you. And we didn't know. That could be why you survived and were able to recover this quickly. God, you were truly violent."

"Yeah," Shepard said. "Should have seen Aria when I first woke from a coma. I had practically beaten her to a pulp. She was spotting two black eyes and sore jaws by the time I was fully awake. And she said I kept calling her Frodo and asking her for my ring back. She had to biotically restrain me before she, herself, lost her restrain and murdered me. That, was what she said."

"Wasn't Frodo a good guy?" Garrus asked. "I remember watching that one with you a few years back. Were you dreaming you were that skinny, slimy, emaciated dude?"

"Don't ask," Shepard said. "And it's not just a movie. It's a classic. And that dude was deep."

"Sure," Garrus laughed. "Got it."

"Anyway," Miranda went on, shaking her head. "What Mordin did was to infused Dextro and Levo DNA into both your reproductive cells, then freeze them. This means you are now basically a surrogate mother for your own egg. With your enhanced cybernetics, you are more able to accept it and from what we've seen so far, carry it to term with almost a ninety-eight percent success rate."

"Look," Miranda continued. "I know it's a shocking surprise. But see it from a medical standpoint, you two are going to be the first parents of a cross specie race. With more study, it will extend to all species! It's not just a gift to you two but a gift to all cross species couples! Nothing like this was ever done. And it's just another prove that the Reapers had truly lost."

"So Javik can have his own kind running around again?" Shepard asked. "Well, half of his own kind."

Liara blushed.

The blush did not escape Shepard.

"If he wants," Miranda said. "If he sleeps with krogan females. He can have an entire colony of cross breed Protheans running around in no time."

"That's not good," Garrus said. "We can't have an entire colony of suicidal slash dictator half Protheans running around."

"Javik is not suicidal," Liara said in his defense.

"Then you don't really know that guy," Shepard said. "Back to me! What am I going to do? I'm pregnant!"


	4. Chapter 4

Shepard stormed out of the frigate, pushing aside even Grunt and his Aralakh company, shocking every Krogan there who usually was used to doing the pushing aside. One of the unsuspecting Aralakh who was causally walking in front and coming right between Shepard and the clear path ahead had his head smacked and his body practically shoved aside by the pregnant woman so she could continue stomping her way without breaking her stride. That look she gave him immediately shut that supposedly fuming Krogan up and he cowered aside to make the path as clear as she wanted.

"She's already showing signs?" Zaeed asked. "God damn it, mate. You've your work cut out for you."

"Signs?" Garrus asked. "What signs?"

"Don't expecting Turian moms show signs? You know? The ones that says 'you're in hell till further notice' signs?" Zaeed asked back.

"What?" Garrus rubbed his neck. "Expecting Turian moms? You are not making sense."

"I'm talking about...," Zaeed said.

"Whoever call it morning sickness deserves to be shot!" Shepard called out from in front. "It's no longer morning and I still feel sick!"

"That," he finished.

"Are they supposed to act like that for the next nine months?" Garrus said.

"I think yours seems to be in the game way too early," Zaeed said. "I thought they only qualify for that later. Maybe she is just unhappy she's been knocked up without her knowledge. The Normandy women are a force by it fucking self. Not to be reckon with. But what do I know?"

"What the hell am I suppose to do?" Garrus asked. "I've never even been near a pregnant Turian, not to mention a pregnant human."

"Strap a melon on yourself for a whole day or two," Vega stepped up to stand with them, cradling his hands a little under the waist band of his training pants and leaning back to show where the melon should logistically go. "That might help you understand what pregnant human females are like. You know, like if you carry that around all day for almost a whole year, you'll bitch like them too."

"I think he might need to strap on one of Urdnot Wrex's babies to get the full feel of the whole pregnant Shepard deal judging from the way that girl is acting," Zaeed said. "Her bitching is epically out of proportion."

"You've got work cut out for you, Scars," Vega repeated Zaeed's words. "I don't think I want to be you right now."

"I don't think Shepard is cut out to be pregnant, if you ask me," Zaeed said. "I think you better be prepared for the worse, mate. Pillows, data pads throwing, uncontrolled crying between laughing, suddenly surges of anger..."

"I think all pregnant females just go mad for no reason," Grunt joined in the conversation when they walked up to where he was. He had slowed down so that the other three could catch up. "They just go mad."

"Pork's ears dipped in chocolate ice-cream...," Vega was saying more to himself than to the others.

The other two Levo based organics turned and stared at him, totally disgusted. Garrus had one of his brows lifted.

"What?" Vega said. "Pregnant women will eat like the worst combo of foods ever, the worst of the worst."

"You people are so reassuring," Garrus said, sighing.

* * *

While the boys were talking, Shepard had zoomed in on the one person she had stomped out of the frigate for and stampeded right toward her.

"I am fucking pregnant!" She shouted into Tali's face mask when she got there, leaving saliva sputtered all over on its screen.

As if on queue, Tali pulled out a handkerchief from where Shepard had no idea from. That caught Shepard off guard for a few seconds. A hankie? Really?

Tali wiped her mask with the hankie as she self-consciously turned her head to and from to make sure no one was near enough to hear them. Unfortunately for her, quite a few Quarians were at port that day and they all were already staring at the two women.

"Thanks to you and the three inside!" Shepard continued after blinking away her confusion regarding Tali and her handkerchief and pointing behind her without looking back. Unfortunately, Garrus, Vega, Zaeed and Grunt were the ones a few feet behind where she had pointed. The Quarians around them were gasping and whispering and shaking their heads.

"Keelah," Tali said, hoping her handkerchief was big enough to cover her helmet. "Do you need to scream this loud? And I had nothing to do with that little project. So please just shut up already. It's embarrassing!"

"When did you start carrying around a handkerchief?" Shepard asked as she followed the movement of that piece of cloth in her friend's three fingered hand.

"I always carry at least one," Tali said. "You never know when you might need one."

"Why would you need a hankie when you're living in a god damn suit?" Shepard asked. "And why are you still living in a god damn suit?"

"It takes getting use to," Tali said. "I've lived in a suit all my life. I can't just run around without it just like that or I'll..."

"Feel like a snail without a shell!" Shepard finished the sentence for her. "You'll feel like a slug!"

"Whatever that is," Tali said. "Will you just lower your voice!"

"What the hell do you guys want anyway?" Shepard did not lower her voice but for Tali's sake, at least she was no longer screaming. "Just give me the god damn surprise now. I'm pregnant. I am going home."

"Shepard!" Tali said. "It's not that simple!"

"Give it to me before I kill you." Shepard said.

"Shepard-Commander," Legion walked up. "Is everything all right?"

"Legion?" Shepard turned from Tali and immediately forgot all about what they were talking about, much to Tali's relief. "Is that you?"

"Affirmative," Legion said.

"How...," Shepard turned back to her. "Is he..."

"We've been working to reactivate him for two years now," Tali said. "Well, he's really just part of the surprise. There are... I guess you can say, two more to go?"

"Do those two more surprises make me fat?" Shepard asked. Her eyes as narrowed as they could get. "Because I swear, Tali, I will kill you."

"Will a new house make you fat?" Tali was taking a big risk asking the question. She was more than a little terrified of this new Shepard.

"Oh, how's that?" Shepard asked, clearly surprised this time. A good kind of surprise. But her eyes were still menacingly narrow. "Where's that?"

"Here, in Rannoch," Tali said. "We thought since Rannoch had not been touched for so long by organics, it's the perfect place for the babies to grow up. It has clean air and beautiful beaches. And remember I told you about getting some land with beaches...?"

"I thought you said you had nothing to do with me getting pregnant?"

"I didn't," Tali sworn without actually swearing. "I really didn't. I knew about it but I was too busy with Legion and the house and the... The other surprise to have anything to do with it. It's by the beach. You know, the house? You will love it."

Shepard continued to watch Tali with narrowed eyes until Tali felt she had suddenly grown much smaller and was looking up at the woman. Then she realized she had actually bent her knees and was slanted back while Shepard was standing on tip toe, leaning forward. And then suddenly,

"Garrus!" Shepard shouted right into Tali's helmet again. This time, it made Tali jumped a few feet left of her friend. Shepard's eyes never left her. "Garrus!"

"What?" Garrus came running up. "Spirits, woman. What?"

And Garrus saw Legion.

"Legion?" Garrus blinked.

"Garrus-Vakarian," Legion greeted. "Good to see you again."

"Spirits!" Garrus clapped his talons together and his mandibles flared opened with glee. "I'd never! It's good to have you back!"

"Likewise," Legion said. "It is good to be back."

"He's the surprise?" Garrus asked Tali. "That is some awesome engineering!"

Tali shook and nodded her head at the same time. Garrus frowned at her expression.

"He isn't the surprise?" he asked.

"We are part of it," Legion said.

"Guess what's our surprise?" Shepard's face was beaming.

"What?" Garrus asked. "Legion isn't a good enough surprise? There's still more?"

"We've a house by the beach!" Shepard laughed. "Here! By the beach!"

She jumped on him and hugged him which caused him to have to swing his body and hers together around for balance so they did not topple.

"I always wanted a house by the beach!" she was laughing and talking all at once.

Maybe the signs Zaeed was talking about was not all that bad after all. Garrus relaxed himself and laughed with her, hugging her back.

"We've a beach house!" Shepard was still laughing. "What do you think?"

"I think you're looking exceedingly beautiful right about now, love of my life," Garrus said and laughed with her.

Tali relaxed and breathed. Legion looked at her and in an extremely ungeth-like way, gave her a thumb's up. She smiled, mouthed a "thank you" although she knew he could not see it with her helmet in the way, and returned the gesture.

"Legion?" Zaeed came walking up with Grunt and Vega. "Fucking-A! Is that you, Legion? Never thought I'd see your ugly face again!"

"Zaeed-Massani, Urdnot-Grunt, Lieutenant-Vega-James," Legion greeted. "Welcome."

"When are we going to eat?" Grunt asked. "My company's hungry."

"I want to see my new house," Shepard said still smiling broadly. "And I'm not bringing two dozen Krogans with me there."

"Oh, don't worry," Tali said. "When I said I have land, I mean I have land."

"You're kidding me," Shepard said.

"I have an island," Tali said. "Well, sixty-three islands actually, including the three main connected islands where the houses are. The continents closest to us are already developing into a fine city. Place is relatively tropical, with two seasons. Gets a bit chilly at night but nothing you guys can't handle, especially for Turians. Humidity level is pretty constant. Not that humid mostly. Rainfall typical during the colder season. Not near any fault lines and sheltered and protected by larger land masses around. No predatory creatures either. Mostly meek, smaller herbivorous animals. Some can be domesticated as pets."

"You are kidding me," Garrus said.

"Your house is on one of the main islands," Tali continued. "The three main islands are connected by sky causeways. All three islands' infrastructures are already well established. I have no idea what most of the other islands are like though. Never actually have the time to explore them... I claimed the place without looking at it. I had been studying the planet from data pads and books since young and... you know, already had an idea where I would like to live..."

"I'll say," Garrus laughed.

"If infrastructures can be built, I might develop the lands. But my island and yours, they are just for us. Anyway, your house is not just my work alone. It's a gift from us all."

"We have an island!" Shepard whooped and hugged Garrus tighter. "We have an island!"

"This is one hell of a birthday gift, guys," Garrus was a little overwhelmed himself.

* * *

"Birthday?" Grunt asked the rest when they started toward the sky transports. "What birthday?"

Zaeed and Vega both shrugged.

"Don't know," Vega said. "Don't dare ask. I'm not going to get my head fucking bit off by loco Lola. Did you see the way she just switched from Hell Bitch to Little Miss "Oh-my-God-we-have-an-island"?"

"Never seen a pregnant woman going emo so early," Zaeed said. "Hope everything is fine. Watch the liquor tight, boys. Make sure Shepard does not go ten feet near it. Never know what a pregnant woman might do to our babies out of jealousy."

"Hell! Aye aye, sir!" Vega said.

"I will just distract her with food," Grunt said. "I read up on human pregnancy when you guys told me that Shepard's going to be pregnant. I read that most human females won't be able to resist temptation that fits their cravings. I will do recon and find out all her weak spots. All the food she cant resists. I am here ready for battle, hundred and fifty percent!"

"Thatta' boy," Zaeed approved.

_Notes:_

_Thanks guys! Thanks for the Kudos in AO3 and the reviews here!_  
_I love your inputs, ideas, and/or reviews!_


	5. Chapter 5

So, the house was huge and extremely modern... And extremely... Japanese. Garrus and Shepard blinked with opened mouths at the decor.

The vastness of the house was not underplayed but modestly displayed. The whole house had a kind of quiet, undeclared beauty about it. A beauty waiting to be discovered as they rounded every corner. Artificial shoji screens that filtered out the sun would change into clear or foggy glass at a touch of a button, showing off the rich, inviting ocean that lined the Rannoch island. The sea itself was bringing with it a nostalgic smell of the clear blue water. A serene colors of whites, beige, light browns and earthly greens supported the more darker and sparingly used brass and blacks.

"You didn't do this all by yourself, did you?" Garrus asked.

"No," Tali said. "Of course not. It's too big a project for me."

"What's with the Japanese decor?" Shepard asked.

"It's supposed to give a sense of calm and relaxation," Tali said. "Plus, it's not entirely Japanese. It's contemporary Japanese with a touch of Faux shagreen."

"Faux what green?" Garrus asked.

"Faux shagreen," Shepard repeated for him.

"Who the hell is he and why is he touching the house?" Garrus asked.

"Who came up with that?" Shepard ignored her mate, knowing he sometimes fake ignorance just to get a laugh out of it.

"We helped," Vega said proudly. "You'll love what we did, Scars."

"Sure you did. Not with this though. Let me guess," Shepard said. "You did not build him a Thanix Magnetic Hydrodynamic Weapon to calibrate. Because if you did, I'll string you all up on ropes and slowly suffocate the life out of you."

"We did better!" Vega said.

"They turned the vault into a state-of-the-art hologram simulation chamber," Tali sighed. "The vault was supposed to be a panic room, not a gaming room!"

"Why would anyone want a panic room to panic in?" Grunt asked. "What kind of twisted Quarian thing is that?"

"Agreed, mate," Zaeed said. "The sim chamber we put in is so much better than any boring panic room. We have the latest war games simulations all imported in. You name the game, we've got it, mate!"

"A panic room is not a twisted Quarian thing!" Tali shouted. "It's a self sustainable room that you hide in when an emergency arises!"

"Battlemaster and the Turian will not hide in the face of danger," Grunt smirked. "Unlike scrawny Quarians like you."

Before Tali could threaten to blow Grunt a new hole with her newest shotgun, Vega stepped in.

"Anyway," he said. "It's still very much like a panic room, right Sparks? There are two underground A.I green houses there and plumbing. Seriously guys, we just simply made it fun when it's not used for emergency. You, of all people can understand how that meant we are being efficient, Sparks."

"Ahhh," Zaeed said, waving his hand and disregarding all arguments. "She's just mad we broke that mega screen thing she had installed to make them watch Fleet and the Flotilla with her. You two should fucking thank us for breaking it. It's like this whole big ass screen that covered the entire wall of the fucking basement. You can't hide from the fleet even if you flotilla yourselves out of it."

"I'm not watching Fleet and the Flotilla with you again even if you have your shotgun in my face, Tali," Shepard said. "I'm so not going to hear you sing along with it ever again. No offense. You sang great. But seriously? Singing with the movie you've watch a thousand times the way you did? No thank you."

"What? But...but...," Tali tried to find the words that would sound the best in a rebuttal of the right dimension and came up dry.

"Okay," Garrus said. "Like it or not, I'm so ready to see that sim. Can we go there first?"

"You go," Shepard said. "I'll be here. There's someone I want to speak with."

"Very well," Garrus said. "I'll be back as quickly as I can. Don't move till I'm back."

The four boys doubled their steps down the stairs, joking about big guns and simulations as they headed to their destinations.

"He seems very happy," Tali said, smiling behind her helmet.

"Of course he is," Miranda walked into the house with Liara, "He's going to be a dad."

"I'm not," Shepard said then rolled her eyes when she caught herself. "Not the dad part... I mean I am not happy."

"Don't tell me you never wanted this?" Liara asked. "Never once thought how it would be like to have his children? To have such a glorious house? To be happy?"

"Errr... No," Shepard said. "House, I want. A big fucking house with a great view like this, I would kill for. But I'm quite happy not having my vagina split opened with heads popping out of it. Thank you very much."

"That's just gross," Liara said.

"Oh come on, Shepard," Miranda said. "You know there are more than one way to birth a child these days."

"And they all cut you open, one way or another. I don't care for any of those ways," Shepard answered. "I'm only playing along now because Garrus seems happy and excited about it. But you three are so paying for this later. Trust me, ladies. I'm using you as fish bait the first chance I get once I'm out of labour."

Tali laughed a little until Shepard looked at her and said, "You too, helmet head. My kid has to eat. And seafood on Rannoch is great, I heard."

"You're bluffing," Tali said.

"I'm pregnant and I'm terrified of childbirth," Shepard said. "This makes me anxious and when I'm anxious, my adrenaline sky rockets. And you know me and adrenaline. I become a monster. And now you guys had made me a very pregnant, terrified monster. Tell me if you think I won't do what I said I would."

"Will making you very comfortable the next few months helps?" Tali looked at her with fearful eyes and worried face behind her helmet. "The weather here is going to turn beautiful by the time your wedding is over."

"What wedding?" Shepard said.

"Oh crap," Tali covered her mouth piece. "Did I just say that?"

"Goddess, Tali!" Liara exclaimed.

"What?" Shepard asked.

"Jesus," Miranda said. "You two are idiots."

"What?" Shepard asked. "What? What? What?"

"A wedding?" Tali said very quietly after looking from the other two and knowing from their looks she had totally blown it. "Remember after Legion there were two more surprises? Well, the house was one... The last one is your wedding."

"What?" Shepard asked again.

"Wedding, Shepard," Miranda explained. "We planned your wedding. It's in two weeks. If you panic, I swear I will punch you. We have done everything. You just need to be there."

"What?" Shepard asked. "Who planned my wedding?"

"We did," Miranda said.

"You're telling me my wedding is planed by a dork," Shepard pointed to Tali then to Liara. "A nerd and a...a...a...," Shepard lifted her hand and swung it up and down at Miranda.

"A "what" Shepard," Miranda glared with one good eye. "I dare you to say it."

"A...a...a...," Shepard cupped her palms upward and made small juggling movement with both her hands. Miranda's eye opened wider and her nostrils flared.

"I dare you, Shepard," Miranda warned.

"I'll come back to you when I thought up a word for you," Shepard sighed and lifted a finger to shut her up. "Now I'm too pregnant to think."

Shepard blew air up her face to air lift her bangs. This is a little too much information in just one day, she thought.

"How much time are we talking here?" Shepard asked.

"What do you mean "how much time"?" Miranda asked.

"You said two weeks," Shepard said. "How many days is that exactly?"

"Fourteen Rannoch days," Tali said.

"I know that two weeks is fourteen days, you idiot!" Shepard said.

"Ahhhhh," Miranda added while Shepard was talking, knowing what she meant. "It's a thirty-two point three hour day here so it's really about nineteen days."

"Nineteen days, huh?" Shepard asked. "Well, nineteen days should be enough to murder all of you and dispose of the bodies."

"Why don't you want to marry Garrus?" Liara asked.

"Who said I don't?" Shepard asked back.

"Well, you don't act like you do," Liara said. "Although we all clearly remembered you once acted like you did."

The others nodded. Even Miranda.

"You guys are nuts, you know?" Shepard said. "Did the war fry your brains or something? You people kidnapped us and knocked me up and then now push us into a wedding? Tell me that's even what normal friends do. It has gone from strange to downright freakish."

"Well," Tali said. "I guess if you put it that way..."

"See," Shepard said. "The dork got it."

When the three of them kept quiet and not spoke for a bit, Shepard started chuckling. And then she started laughing. And then her laughter got louder and more excessive still she was hiccuping.

"Ok," Shepard tried hard to stop. "I think I just peed a little in my pants."

Miranda shook her head while Liara did not know if she should join in with Shepard because she had no idea what Shepard was actually laughing about. Tali just blinked behind her mask and watched her friend slowly brought herself back to Rannoch.

"I know who is the true psycho behind all these," Shepard snickered. "This house is a dead giveaway."

Immediately after saying that, Shepard's face turned serious and she screamed at the top of her lungs,

"KASUMI! GET YOUR ASS UNCLOAKED NOW!"

A flicker and a flash brought the Master Thief into view.

"Oh come on!" Kasumi whined. "Why is it that you keep knowing when I'm around?"

"Because this whole place screams 'Kasumi'!" Shepard said.

"No it doesn't!" Kasumi answered. "And that doesn't tell me how you know when I'm around. And for the record Shep, I know you like it this way, that was why it's this way!"

"And I did too," Tali timidly raised her hand.

"Me too," Liara said.

"Fine," Shepard confessed. "I do like it a lot. But still, it screams 'Kasumi'!"

"I am so not going to argue with a pregnant woman about what this house is screaming," Kasumi said and planted herself onto the sofa. "So I heard Tali busted the bubble."

"I've no problem with the wedding thing," Shepard said, walking to the open concept kitchen and pouring herself a glass of water from the fridge. "Why the hell am I still so thirsty?"

"What?" the four girls asked.

"I said, I have no problem with the wedding," Shepard drunk her water. "Wow, this is some tasty water. Rannoch sure beats most populated planets for sure. This is so fresh and sweet!"

"You have no problem with the wedding?" Miranda asked.

"Nope," Shepard said in her glass.

"Then why did you act like you have a problem?" Miranda asked.

"I just don't like everything else that was done to me before telling me there would be a wedding and I am the bride," Shepard shrugged.

"And here we thought the wedding was the worst part of the surprise to break," Miranda surrendered to the air.

"Not really," Shepard poured herself another glass. "Not for me anyway. But that Turian downstairs. Trust me. Whole other different thing."

* * *

Garrus had no idea Shepard had been playing with the window setting and the windows were opened when they told him the news. The news almost made him hissed but the thing worse than the news was that he took two steps back unknowingly, caught one of his big foot on the ledge of the window, did a flip, fell over, slid down a little over the balcony right into the water over the little cliff the house was built on.

"Ops," Shepard said, "I hope it's not so deep he can't swim back and not that swallow that he'd break something."

Zaeed and Vega ran up to the window while the girls gapped in shock.

"You're fucking kidding me," Zaeed said.

"There," Vega pointed. "I think he's sputtering and spitting water."

"Should we go get him?" Zaeed asked. "He looked like he is swimming back. Just that his arms and legs are moving all wrong."

"Garrus!" Tali shouted and mimicked freestyle swim. "Move your arms like that!"

"Pandejo," Vega said. "Can't you tell? That's doggy paddle style!"

"What the fuck," Zaeed said. "That's not doggy style. That's more like chicken paddling!"

"Do we have something to throw at him?" Kasumi asked. "A float or something?"

They all shook their heads.

"We know what's on our shopping list next," Kasumi said to Tali.

"Goddess," Liara said. "I don't think Garrus can swim at all."

"Woh! Woh! Woh!" Vega yelled. "Water going into the neck thing! The cowl thing!" Vega pointed at his own neck line "What the fuck do Turians call that thing anyway?"

"Relax," Shepard said, coming to the window where everyone had gathered, drinking her water. "Not the first time he's been in the water. He'll be back."

"You sure don't seem to care your fiancé is drowning out there," Vega frowned.

"One, he isn't drowning," Shepard said. "He's Turian swimming. Two, you saw his reaction when you told him about the wedding? I'd say he deserves it. Three, I'm pregnant. I m allowed."

"He's heading in the right direction at least," Miranda said. "Think we should consider putting some railings over there in the future just in case. Maybe some screen barrier that don't show."

"Stand the fuck up, you idiot!" Zaeed shouted. "Water's shallow enough now!"

Grunt was more proactive and thought fast on his feet. He was already half way out the door, a thick towel in his hand.

"You all are psychotic," he said as he rushed out to get Garrus. "And that Turian is useless."

* * *

_Had a 408 error the for almost 12 hours yesterday so this chapter was posted a lot later than the one in AO3. Apologies, apologies, apologies._

_And just so you guys know, I don't get much time to edit these days with _fifteen hour day workload and only few hours sleep. So I am pretty sure you get grammar and spelling mistakes in here...and maybe even missing word... :s I need a beta and until then, will use the sorry excuse... I am Asian. I am allowed... Or I am overworked... Whichever. :p

Inputs, ideas, and/or reviews are totally welcome! And please, a beta will be a true blessing.


	6. Chapter 6

"How much water did you drink?" Garrus asked his mate when she came back into their new bedroom.

"How much water did you drink?" she asked him back.

"Oh, that was a low blow," Garrus said.

"Serve you right for the kind of reaction you gave regarding the wedding," Shepard shrugged.

"Spirits," Garrus said. "You're still upset about that, aren't you?"

"Human females tend to remember grudges very well, Turian," Shepard said.

"That was almost two years ago," Garrus said. "And I remembered you stopped me from fighting."

"I shouldn't have," Shepard said. "Should have just gone badass on them and did it back then."

"I would have gone badass on them in a heartbeat," Garrus said. "Then and now. But that doesn't mean the thought of actually having them come over would not shocked me. Plus..."

"Things changed, didn't they?" Shepard looked down at her mate, who was sitting up but tucked in nicely in the new bed with his fringe against a Turian pillow.

"I guess they did," he reached out to touch her stomach. "I'm sorry I overreacted just now. It's not marrying you that threw me off, you know that. It's the whole fucked up thing that comes with marriage in my world."

"So you think your dad will be here?" Shepard asked then added. "I think this is the first time I've seen a Turian pillow. You've always used a human one."

"He was there two years ago," Garrus said. "I bet he'll appear this time too."

"What about her," Shepard said with disgust while she started kneading Garrus's pillow behind him. It felt like it was made of molding clay. "Think she will be too?"

"Spirits," Garrus said. "I hope she's gone by now. Shepard! Stop doing that! You're molding it out of shape!"

"Why is it that way?" Shepard asked. "What if I fall on it? It will imprint my face right into it!"

"That's how the pillow works," Garrus said, smacking Shepard's hand away. "It takes the shape of body and conform to give the best comfort. Stop kneading already! You got you hand prints in it now."

"Fine! And if she comes this time," Shepard warned. "No more Miss-Nice-Little-Shepard."

"Hmmm...," Garrus chuckled. "Maybe because you'll be Mrs-Very-Pregnant-Vakarian?"

"Oh God," Shepard whined as she climbed and sat on top of her mate, who gladly steadied her with his arms. "Don't remind me that. My hormones are so totally out of sync. They are running all over and head on into walls. And seriously, I think I'm getting bigger in lots of places, especially my butt. It feels like my butt is pregnant too."

Garrus started laughing when he remembered how Shepard had been acting the last three days.

"I've to say though," he said. "Watching you going hormonal can be quite entertaining. Must be hard work being a fetus in there trying to discipline the mother."

"Make fun of me and junior again, Vakarian, I'll poison your food then kick you in the genitals to show you what it feels like to be expecting and then throw you into the water again and keep you under myself to show you how junior is feeling," Shepard smacked her mate lightly on his chest. "Lets see you laugh about pregnancy again."

"You're so mean," Garrus said, chuckling, then changed the subject by waving his data pad. "So, I was looking at the guest list."

"And?"

"Kaidan will be here," Garrus said.

"Well," Shepard shrugged. "This time, I'm really pregnant. I hope he's over me enough to not freak out."

"I'm actually glad he is coming," Garrus said. "We were a team after all. It's nice to see him again."

"Who else is coming that wasn't on Joker's "Awesome Brigade"?" Shepard asked.

"You know about that?" Garrus laughed.

"Oh yeah," Shepard said. "Normandy was my ship, darling. Nothing get pass me."

"Well, Jacob will be here too, it seems," Garrus looked at his data pad. "Didn't he just separated with his wife?"

"Who invited him?" Shepard asked disapprovingly.

"He was your squad mate too, Shepard," Garrus said.

"This one was as bad as Kaiden, and Kaiden was more useful," Shepard said. "This one just screamed a lot and then went nuts on me when I showed concerns for his wellbeing. And, he sulked when he didn't get the girl."

"It's hard to win when he had such a dashing and awesome competitor," Garrus said, opening his arms to gesture at himself.

"Oh yeah?" Shepard asked. "You sure about that?"

"Better sniper," Garrus said. "Much nicer ass. A more supportive waist, and better skin. And less goofy teeth. Plus, I've got the tools and the talent."

"You're so full of yourself," Shepard said.

"Did I mention I also have the sexier voice," Garrus asked. "Totally melted the Commander's heart. He didn't stand a chance."

"What makes you so sure she melted?" Shepard asked.

"Oh, I don't know," Garrus said. "Besides the fact that she is carrying my baby now and we're getting married? I don't know what else."

Shepard smiled sightly. And the light in the room caught the glow in her face.

"Spirits," Garrus' breathed. "You looked absolutely beautiful."

"Garrus," Shepard put both her hands on her waist. "I'm going to lose this. I hardly think you Turians would see that beautiful. So stop trying to make me feel better."

"You've no idea how gorgeous you are to me," Garrus said. "With or without that waist."

"Really?" Shepard said, smiling slyly.

"Yes, really," Garrus said.

"How about showing me how appreciative you are of my beauty then?" Shepard breathed.

"Can we?" Garrus asked, pointing at her stomach. "I've never..."

"We can."

"What about the baby?" Garrus was worried. "Will it be fine?"

"Baby will be fine," Shepard said. "But I get to be on top. You are the submissive one for the next nine months. So, you game?"

"Oh hell, yes!"

* * *

"Garrus!" Shepard cried out. "Garrus!"

"What?" Garrus came running into the room from their brand new kitchen where he had been standing by the fridge, two eggs in hands, trying hard to figure out which belonged to the human chickens and which belonged to the Asari Sankan birds. "What?"

"Something is wrong!" Shepard shouted.

"Besides the fact that you are screaming in the early morning like a mad woman?" Garrus said. "I don't see what's wrong."

Shepard stood on her kneels in bed and pulled up the oversize Turian shirt she had always worn as pajamas since they were together, "This!"

"What?" Garrus asked.

"This!" Shepard said, pulled off her shirt and turned side ways to show Garrus. "Look!"

And Garrus saw what Shepard was panicking about.

"Spirit," his jaws dropped. "How did that happen overnight?"

Without the oversize shirt to cover Shepard, Garrus could now see the swelling of her stomach.

"My stomach!" Shepard was shouting. "It's the size of a squash!"

"Is it gas?" Garrus was perplexed. "You know you humans can unsuspectingly produce a lot of that sometimes."

"Gas, Turian? Does this look remotely like gas to you?" Shepard was still panicking as she got out of bed.

And then she stopped after putting one leg on the floor. Garrus watched her with growing fear as her eyes grow bigger and her face grew paler.

"Oh fucking shit!" Shepard finally cried out. "Garrus!"

"What?" he came running to her. "What?"

"I think my water just broke," Shepard said.

"Then get another bottle," Garrus said, breathing at last. "Spirits, woman, I thought the baby was coming!"

"That was not what I meant! That! was what I meant!" Shepard suddenly realized Garrus had absolutely no idea what she was saying so she pointed to her stomach. "I meant this water!"

Garrus stood where he was for a few long seconds, dumbfounded. Then he asked, "Should...should I get you a towel?"

"Get them now!" Shepard cried out.

"The towels," Garrus panicked. "Yes! Yes?"

"No! Chakwas and Miranda! And Liara!" Shepard shouted. "Tell them my water broke! I'm going go into labour!"

"How can you be in labour?" Garrus asked her back after a while where he stood rooted to the ground, not knowing if he should still run to the bathroom for the towel, go back into the kitchen to figure which eggs it was to make his mate her omelette or... He seriously had no idea what to do.

"We just got pregnant three days ago!"

"Why are you asking me?" Shepard screamed. "I'm only a lab rat! Ask the fucking scientists!"

"Crap!" Garrus finally knew to run over to the comm. "Other fathers get nine months to get this right. And what do I get? Three fucking days!"

* * *

Doctor Chakwas and Miranda was there to take Shepard to the med room that was in their basement where the sim and green houses were and set her up for observation and monitoring immediately. Legion was there to help out and Garrus just stood around watching the three busied away with things he had no idea about and talks he could barely understand.

"Check the vitals," Miranda said. "Legion, take a scan and get a blood sample. I need to know why there's an acceleration to the development."

"Commander," Doctor Chakwas said. "I need to check your cervix and take a culture for Legion to analyze. Spread it."

"What the hell is happening?" Shepard asked as she spread her legs. "Why is it growing so fast?"

"We have no idea," Miranda said, taking the blood sample collected by Legion. "But don't worry. Like I said, Mordin kept extensive notes. We just need to do a few tests to know what exactly is going on."

"What if it keeps growing?" Garrus asked.

"It most likely will not," Miranda said. "But..."

"Oh God," Shepard whined. "It won't bust out of me will it?"

"You've been watching too many old movies during your recuperation, Commander," Doctor Chakwas said. "Nothing is going to bust out of you, even if it's an alien... In a way. The most, you get an early labour. We just need to make sure."

"Then shouldn't you two get her ready for delivery already?" Garrus asked. "Like you know, breathe in, breath out."

"Oh fuck, no...," Shepard said quietly. "I don't want to..."

"We won't know till the studies come back," Miranda said. "But..."

"She's not due yet," Doctor Chakwas finished the sentence for her. "It is still too early for any water to break. It's just a false alarm."

"So," Miranda added. "We just need to know why the fetus is growing at this quick a rate and..."

"But my water just broke," Shepard said. "It leaked."

"Why is everyone interrupting me today?" Miranda said with impatience. "I believe..."

"My studies indicate that it is just water," Legion said while Miranda surrendered and stopped talking. "Water that has a high concentration of male gametes."

"What?" Garrus asked.

"Turian spermatozoon to be precise," Legion explained. "Or you may also call it spermatozoa."

Garrus looked at the other two for explanation. Miranda shook her head.

"I am so not talking," Miranda said. "I'm just going to get the blood result in and look at the scans and keep my bloody mouth..."

"Semens, Garrus," Doctor Chakwas injected, smiling because this time it was on purpose. Miranda sighed and left the room. "Legion is saying it's just water and a whole lot of your sperms."

"Oh...," Garrus did not know if he should be embarrassed or proud.

Doctor Chakwas folded her arms and shook her head. "To think you two should at least be able to hold it off till the bun is out of the oven."

"We were doing what was natural!" Shepard said. "This whole thing you three did was the one the was not natural!"

Liara came rushing into the room at that moment.

"How's everything?" she asked. "I heard there was some complications."

"I won't call this," Shepard pointed to her stomach. "Some complications."

"Goddess, Shepard," Liara said. "That is a lot of gas."

"That was what I thought at first too!" Garrus said and turned to Shepard after that justification. "See?"

"The babies are indeed growing at an alarming rate," Miranda came back in with the test results and showed the rest the data pad. "Shepard, there are two inside you. Not one. You have twins. And they are both growing fast. From the data gathered, it looks like they are already in..."

"Two what?" Garrus said.

"Oh my God!" Shepard cried. "How the hell did it turn into two?"

"Well, the egg had divided into two in the last two days," Miranda said just as Garrus lifted a talon in an act to say something."And don't bloody interrupt me again when I am giving important information!"

Garrus immediately put his talon back down.

When Miranda saw that everyone had understanding, she continued, "We really need to keep you under observation here and make sure everything is going fine."

"How the fuck did this happen?" Shepard asked. "I was fine just a few days ago and you people did this to me!"

"Shepard," Liara said. "You need to calm down. It's bad for the babies."

"I assure you," Miranda said. "We've it covered."

"Two fuckers!" Shepard was screaming. "How the hell did that happen?"

"No need to speculate that they are boys yet. Too early to know if they are hotdogs or hamburgers," Doctor Chakwas said. "But at this rate they are growing, we may know by the beginning of next week."

Shepard groaned.

"It's natural," Liara said. "Well, for you, it's not. But dividing eggs are really a very natural occurrence. Yours is just...accelerated."

"I wonder if she can still fit into her wedding dress for the photo shoot in a few days," Miranda said non-chalantly.

Shepard glared at her.

"What?" Miranda asked. "It is a almost fifteen thousand credit dress."

"I so hate you guys now," Shepard said.

* * *

The tests all came back inconclusive. None of the three women knew why the cross specie babies were growing at such an alarming rate but they all could tell the babies were both extremely healthy.

Shepard had calmed down over time and was now just sulking in bed. Garrus had no idea what he was thinking besides that he had a good idea he did not know what to do about the whole situation even if he knew what he was thinking.

The only thing left now was to ask the soon-to-be parents what they wanted to do with the unborn twins.

"At the rate the babies are growing," Doctor Chakwas told them. "It seems likely that they will be fully developed in ten to fifteen days time."

"If you two decide to not keep the babies for fear of what might come after, we can do it," Liara said. "It'll be painless."

Miranda handed them both each a data pad.

"Your babies are blinking now," Miranda said. "See those small eyes? they are blinking. You should have already begin to feel the tiny flutter of movement. Look at them. They are looking more like real babies than salad shrimps."

Garrus looked up from the data pad at Miranda, then Liara and then to Shepard. There were fear in his eyes but the pained look on his face were more apparent. Shepard just kept very quiet.

And she continued to keep very quiet for a long time.

"Shepard?" Liara asked. "Do you want us to abort?"

Shepard still did not answer for a long time.

"The babies are healthy, Shepard," Miranda said. "Give us a day or so. We'll figure it out and maybe reverse the acceleration so the pregnancy will be more normal. You don't really want to do that."

Shepard looked down at her stomach.

"It's your choice, Commander," Doctor Chakwas said.

"I'm sorry, Shepard," Liara said.

"What am I not supposed to eat?" Shepard suddenly asked.

"What?" Liara said.

"I guess it should be things like no undercooked meat, sushi maybe?" Shepard said. "No wine too? And unpasteurized cheeses? I'm craving eggs. Are eggs okay? And peanuts. God, I would die for some peanut butter omelette right about now."

"What?" Liara asked again while Garrus' mandibles flared.

"I'll go make some right now," he jumped up and ran out of the room.

"Make it for three!" Shepard called out after him.

When Garrus was out of earshot, Shepard looked at the three woman and asked, "So really, how the hell am I going to fit into my wedding dress now? You'll need to cut it open at the front to accommodate this stomach."


	7. Chapter 7

In the end, the only wedding pictures the two took were those that featured the top portion of their bodies because Shepard could not fit into the dress even if they had tried cutting it opened from side to side.

"This one needs the other to sit down," the Hanar photographer said over the translating device.

"Which other one?" Shepard asked.

"This one is speaking of the other," the Hanar pointed with some of its free tentacles that were not carrying datapads toward the pair.

Which did not help the two at all since they were already so close together and the tentacles were still pointing at their general direction.

"I guess we'll just go with the flow then," Shepard sat down. "Get it? "Go with the flow"?"

She chuckled at her own joke while Garrus looked very much like a Turian boy who had just been told he could not play with his father's gun.

"What is wrong with you?" Shepard asked as she settled for the pose. "You've sulking since two days ago."

"I'm not sulking," Garrus said. "Turians don't sulk."

"Well, you are," Shepard said. "I can tell a sulking Turian any day. So tell me what's wrong before I have to go pee again."

"You must hate me," Garrus said while the Hanar gestured with its tentacles which left the two looking left and right as to what it was trying to say.

"This one would like the other to lean against the piece with four legs, back and two arms," the Hanar continued gesturing.

Garrus leaned back a little against the chair uncomfortably.

"The other looks most stress," the Hanar photographer said."This one will need the other to take ease and provide facial expression characterized by extension of the other's mandibles."

"Huh?" Garrus said.

"It wants you to smile," Shepard translated.

"Oh," Garrus said absentmindedly and spread his mandibles.

The Hanar stood there for a moment before it said, "This one is surprised by the other showing expression of pleasure, amusement and derision. This one, however, thinks the other is broadly incongruous."

"Huh?" Garrus asked again.

"It means you look goofy and ridiculous smiling like that," Shepard said.

"Fine," Garrus eased up on his Turian smile. "How's it now, Hanar?"

"This one finds this expression pleasing," the photographer said and continued its work.

"What makes you say that?" Shepard asked when they settled into the routine of snaps.

"Say what?" Garrus asked.

"You said I must hate you," Shepard reminded him. "What makes you say that?"

"You didn't want the babies," Garrus said. "They were forced on us and then I made you keep them."

"Garrus," Shepard said. "If I don't want them, not even you can make me keep them."

"But the way you acted...," Garrus said.

"To tell you the truth," Shepard said. "I did asked Mordin about this. But I never thought much about it after. Sure, I am totally freaked out about giving birth to them. But I was given them. It is like being brought back. I never asked to be brought back, but they did it anyway. And if they had not, I would have missed out on this whole life which I am quite enjoying now. I am sure the babies are going to be the same."

The Hanar stopped its work and again started to gesture , "This one needs the other to bring to a gentle halt on the communication."

"I may not act like I like it, which I clearly do not," Shepard continued, ignoring the Hanar. "But that does not mean I think that the babies are a burden. Just because I am angry with them doesn't mean I am angry with the pregnancy. If the three ladies had asked me about it, I would have called them crazy and stormed out of the room only to go back in a couple of hours telling them to just do it. Get what I mean?"

Garrus nodded but he was still feeling the need to beat himself up.

"This one appeal to the other not to move any extension of the other's body," the Hanar warned Garrus.

"And why are you beating yourself over it?" Shepard asked.

"I just feel that I should have let you decide since it's your body," he said quietly. "I should have kept my mouth shut."

"Then we are not partners," Shepard said. "I am in nothing more then just a physical relationship and any man would do. I am more mature that to think my body is my own only. You have as much right to tell me you want the babies as much as I have the right to run around crying bloody murder for being pregnant. And that is all there is."

"This one..."

"Oh, quit it," Shepard scolded. "This one is grumpy as this one is with children. If this one does not take leave, this one will tie the other's tentacles in knots, stick the other on a pole and use the other as a wind catcher!"

"This one will take leave now and return after," the Hanar hastily floated out of the room.

"What if we get more complications?" Garrus said. He was not chuckling as he would usually watching the Hanar's retreat. "Mordin ..."

"One thing I do trust my crew on is that they will not simply throw me to the sharks, no matter how strange they might act," Shepard said. "Seriously, do I still need to remind you that?"

"You're not mad?" Garrus asked.

"Not much," Shepard said and stroked her tummy. "Not about this. But I think we should come up with something to get back at some of our friends. A few pranks and some funky alcohol or something like that might be nice."

Garrus finally smiled.

"Well," Shepard said. "At least now we won't have a grumpy groom. One grumpy bride is enough. I can't believe I can't fit into that puffy thing! It's not even something I want to wear and yet not being able to fit in it... That totally makes me grumpy."

"We'll think of something," Garrus said. "We always do."

"As long as the bridesmaids don't look as good as the bride," Shepard warned.

"Trust me when I say they never will," Garrus replied and lowered his head to kiss his bride.

The Hanar photographer floated back into the room with all its gadgets in some of its tentacles right at that time.

"This one would like to inquire if the other has calm down enough to not tie this one's tentacles into knots," it asked. "This one should remind the other that the reception to the wedding is one day away and the other would need this one to finish the session before the other faints from all the festivities that surround the other's day of nuptial."

"Do you have a feeling the Hanar is frustrated with us?" Garrus asked.

"I thought Hanars are too polite to know how to be frustrated?" Shepard said.

"I think it is frustrated," Garrus said thoughtfully.

"This one would...," the Hanar began.

"Wonder if we could be the first to cause one to blow up on us," Sheoard suggested without suggesting.

"This one...," the Hanar said.

"You mean blow up as in blow up?" Garrus asked. "Like BOOM! Or blow up as in turning bitchy on us?"

The Hanar stood and watch the two for another second and floated right back out of the room.

"This one should rethink this one's vocation," it said to itself quietly but loud enough for the others to hear.

"This one have a real Prothean!" Shepard shouted after it. "Surly the other do notwant to miss that one by quitting now!"

"That one is the alive kind!" Garrus followed. "Although that one said that one likes that one's Hanars mostly boiled!"

The couple continued laughing long after the Hanar left the house to go back to its quarters to wonder if the two were really truthful about its Enkindlers. Boiled Hanar... Did its Enkindlers really?

Created with Werdsmith.


	8. Chapter 8

"You're getting married in that thing?" Jack's first word when she saw Shepard made Shepard narrowed her eyes. "You look like you just ate Javik. His head is sticking out of your tummy and his ass is in your butt."

"I'm pregnant, Jack," Shepard said and Jack gasped as if she was shocked. "And don't fake that look. I know you knew."

"Ok, fine," Jack let out the breath and confessed. "I knew. I just didn't fucking know you'll go so over board with the binge. Jesus, or are there like a dozen of them inside you now? Do Turians come in a dozen like they do in the grocery store like eggs? Only with fucking hard shells?"

"I've been pregnant only two weeks, asshole," Shepard said. "And it's not a dozen. We're having twins. And they're seven months passed in physical development... It has only been a freaking week since it showed, really."

"Holy shit," Jack already huge eyes grew wider. "What the fuck did that? Told you idiots that trying to do what funky Mordin did with his funky sciences would just backfire on all your asses. Can't you do anything right, cheerleader?"

"It's the growth hormones," Miranda said, coming to sit with the two on the couch. "Mordin used a growth hormones to increase the rate of growth of the cells to accelerate the rate of fetus development. It used the enhanced regeneration of Shepard's cybernetics as a base. Then the nano bots adapted and fused the cybernetics as a developmental process on the unborns and boosted the growth hormones, causing the increased developing rate we are seeing."

"You saying Shepard is having some fucking super cyber babies?" Jack asked. Shepard smiled brightly.

"In a way," Miranda said. "The babies are cybernetically enhanced as they grow and these cybernetics are part of their being instead of components fitted into their bodies like how we fit cybernetics weaves into our skins. The babies will basically be smarter, faster and generally better in all ways compare with their pure Turian and human cousins. Mordin had developed a super enhanced Turian-human baby that develop fast in the womb but grow at normal rate after birth."

"They should do it for cows too," Jack said.

"Call me one," Shepard warned. "And I'll toss your inked ass into the sea behind us."

"This was due to two reasons," Liara said from across the room. "One, that in the case Shepard and Garrus decided to have a baby and the war with the reapers broke out just around that time, the couple could safely have their baby without losing too much time or putting the expecting mother in danger. We all know Shepard's too valuable to lose. Mordin had built a safe house underneath the planet of Sur'Kesh where his old home was to make sure the babies were cared for and protected as well. I think he was prepared to take care of Shepard if she chose to have the babies anytime before the reapers attack happened and to see it through that the babies and the mother would stay safe."

"Babies?" Jack asked. "He also made them twins? Or he just thought Shepard could be a cross-breed baby machine for him down there?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Miranda said. "Even I know Mordin had a good heart. Shepard's twins are the work of Mother Nature. Mordin made the facility enough to care for hundreds of babies. Cross bred babies were just one of those he intended to babysit. Many of them were built for Krogan newborns. I think he was getting ready for the end of genophage with or without any support and was ready for the consequences without endangering the female Krogans."

"Mordin is one fucking crazy Salarian," Jack said and leaned back against the couch, crossing and shaking her leg. "I can't believe he put so much faith in you two dickhead lovers that he would actually think up babies for the two of you. So the facility is still there even after all that the reapers did?"

"He built it underground," Liara said. "It's Mordin Solus we're talking about here. It will still be there for sure."

"Anyway," Shepard smiled and flaunted her very pregnant stomach. "This essentially means Garrus and I are having super babies. Super twins! Totally saving me a second trip down this path in the future plus the bonus of not needing to worry about their intellectual maturation! And considering the fact that they will be out in less time than normal babies would, I can get back to looking and feeling normal in less time than all human females would! I take all that as good."

"You're taking this pretty well," Jack said.

"I always leave a huge room for spontaneity," Shepard said. "Hey, if I am not the way I am, just getting through dying, being brought back, fighting the reapers and dealing with people like you two would have driven me mad." She pointed her finger from Jack to Miranda and back to Jack.

"You're still fucking fat right now," Jack said after bitch slapping Shepard's accusing finger away. "With that snug bodice and pouf skirt, and those lace, you look like a Christmas fucking ornament."

Shepard stood up and look at her silhouette in the mirror. The white ball gown with the peplum tier and satin bustier which ended in a sweep did not quite flattered her even though it would do on most body types. To hell with that.

"Very funny, Jack," Shepard said. "Those are the babies'. Not my fats. And you wonder why you aren't my bridesmaid."

"Who told you I am not?" Jack asked.

"You're kidding, right? You'd rather be stepped on by a tap dancing Elcor then be seen in that," Shepard pointed to Liara, who was wearing the traditional pink of a bridesmaid and looking very much like a confused color change buffer fish not knowing if it should turn pink or blue at the moment.

"What's wrong with my dress?" Liara asked.

"Yeah," Tali said too. "I think we look great! Don't we?"

"Tali," Jack laughed. "You look like Darth Vader infiltrating a French Maid agency after falling into cotton candy at the Lakeside Amusement Park."

Tali absently scratched her helmet, "You just said the longest sentence without one curse word and I understood less than half of it."

"You've been mixing around old man Zaeed way too much," Shepard said. "He's been taking you down memory lane by introducing you all those "oldies but goodies" movies, haven't he? Garrus' been showing me movies after movies of "Zaeed's recommendation". One more Friday The Thirteenth or some remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and I will personally chainsaw Zaeed's ass off his body."

"I fucking love them," Jack said.

"Someone kill me now," Miranda said and shook her head.

"With pleasure," Jack smiled and laughed again looking into Tali's specially made pink helmet. "You three look like fucking Chinese lanterns in a red light district on Mars."

"I still don't get it," Tali said.

"There are no red light districts on Mars, Jack," Liara said. "I know. I've been there."

"You would," Jack laughed.

Liara stared at the tattooed woman for a bit before she, too, chuckled a little.

"Did you three let Kasumi deal with the bride's wear?" Jack asked. "This whole thing here smells like that ninja woman."

"Oh Kela!" Tali jumped up and ran for the door. "I forgot I was supposed to go with Grunt to fetch Wrex and the rest of his family because Kasumi has to fetch the Quarian Vowmaker!"

And she promptly ran right into the floating Hanar photographer who was just opening the door into the suit, sending both herself and the poor Hanar crashing to the floor. With its wonderfully made anti-gravity device, the Hanar floated itself back up, still dazed by the impact only to find its tentacles now held an extra few limbs of Quarian design. An extra few limbs of very active Quarian cursing and swearing design.

"Bosh'tet! Where the fuck did you come out from?"

"This one came through the door," the photographer said. "This one advice the other to not tear at this one's limbs. This one's limbs are made a disarray with the other's attempts. This one's anti-gravitation device will ease the entanglement shortly."

Everyone else stared with opened mouths at the two entangled pink entities by the door wondering if helping them might make things worse.

"This one will..."

The two crashed onto the floor again.

"Well," Shepard said. "I know who is having the worst time at my wedding. And it sure isn't Garrus or me, yet. I really feel bad for that poor guy."

"Oh fuck," Jack threw her face inches from Shepard. "You're going to fucking cry, aren't you?"

"What?" Shepard startled. "No... No... No!"

"Pardon," Tali said as she wiggled herself out of the Hanar like it was a pair of tight pants. "I am so sorry... But it's Wrex and Grunt we're talking here! I need to get there before they eat up half of Rannoch while waiting! They wouldn't care it's dextro!" Before the Hanar could say a word, Tali had ran off, the lace of her dress still in procession of some of the Hanar's less bulky equipment.

"This one needs to remind the other, the bridesmaids dress is carrying away this one's much needed and very expensive lighting enhancers!" the Hanar floated after the pink dot that was Tali.

"A pink jellyfish chasing after a Quarian helmeted bridesmaid in pink puff," Jack said. "There's never a dull moment with you, Shepard. Not even at your own fucking boring wedding."

"Not even," Shepard said after. "I seriously feel bad for that poor guy though. We'll drive it nuts."

"We'll," Liara agreed.

_Notes:_

_Hey guys, this came really late. My laptop died on me and decided it needed a change of motherboard and hard disk all at once (thank God for warranty). It took me weeks before I could bring it in (work..work...work :S) and weeks after to reload all the needed stuffs. (And in between, I kinda was playing some new MMOs I loaded first before my older ones. :P)I had this chapter 3/4 way done when my laptop's death happened and even though I mainly write using my iphone, I was too tired to bother with uploading it using the phone (it's not easy... with such a tiny screen, trust me. I've tried.), not to mention too tired to finish the chapter. But here it is now. _  
_Next up: The reason why Garrus fell off the window after hearing the news he would be married._


	9. Chapter 9

Note:

A huge thanks to DarkAislinn of AO3 for being my beta, tightening and editing my chapters before I post it. You are a real blessing and a hell of a great editor. Thanks!

* * *

A day before his wedding and he was standing here. Doing what exactly? Standing at attention waiting for his father's ship to dock? Standing at attention? This was ludicrous, he thought as he relaxed his stance only to snap right back, his arms rigid by his side whenever he heard the beep announcing the arrival of the ships. He could not ease up and be less tense. He tried rolling his shoulders but he couldn't. He tried pacing, but his legs felt like lead.

"You are standing like a petrified chicken," a familiar voice came from behind him.

"Go away, Grunt," Garrus muttered without looking back. "Do what you came here to do because I'm ignoring you."

"What are you doing here?" Grunt ignored him and his rudeness, going to stand next to him. "Waiting for your folks? Tali said your father and sister are coming."

"Reason enough to be a petrified chicken to me," Vega walked up and positioned himself on the other side of Garrus.

"I'm not petrified," Garrus almost howled. "And for the last time, I don't look like a chicken."

"You do now," Vega said quietly.

Garrus made an effort to snarl at his friends but apparently that didn't work very well due to how tense he was and how well they knew him by now. Grunt had no intention of leaving and Vega seemed to be sharing the same idea. Garrus let out a deep sigh, folded his arms and was about to resume his pacing when Vega spoke up, stilling his movements.

"Pacing might do you good, but why are you so nervous? I've met your papa. He seemed like a nice guy."

"Don't you guys have a family of Urdnots to go get?" Garrus sighed.

"They won't be here for another two hours," Grunt replied. "I came early to play."

"Play?" Garrus turned slightly and eyed the Krogan. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"See all these Quarians walking around?" Grunt pointed with his chin, a trait he picked up from Wrex. "I'm positive many had once been traumatized by some Krogans somewhere, sometime in their lives. I came early to walk around and watch their reactions. It's like playing but with my mind."

"Grunt," he sighed again. "At least eighty percent of these people are still wearing their masks. What reaction do you expect to see? Helmet eyes in fear? Quivering helmet lips? Paled helmet faces?"

"Uncontrollable helmet sweating...," Vega continued nonchalantly.

Grunt leaned forward and stared at Vega.

"What?" Vega asked. "They do that."

"They are a race of very subtle expressive people," Grunt said, not wanting to give in to the urge to slug his human friend with the back of his elbow for inappropriately adding ammo to help Garrus' case. "Watching for their tells is the fun part."

"You're boring, you know that?" Garrus chuckled.

"I'm bored waiting for the wedding," Grunt replied. "And there's only so much you can do drunk. At least you aren't looking like a petrified chicken now."

Grunt was right. Garrus had relaxed without even knowing it since the two came over.

"That's because you are here doing something dumber than I am," Garrus said. "Concentrating on someone else's stupidity always makes me feel better."

"Glad I can help then," Grunt replied.

"Want to talk about it?" Vega asked.

"No," Garrus said.

"It's the father, isn't it?" Grunt asked. "It's always the father, for other races. Krogans never had father problems before. Without the genophage, we will start soon. I'm glad I don't have a father."

"It's not the father," Garrus replied.

"The sister?" Grunt asked.

"Nah," Vega said. "Heard he's got a really cool sister."

"Okeer was technically your father," Garrus pointed out without looking at Grunt or Vega anymore.

"He wanted to be my God," Grunt said. "Plus, he technically died before I was born. So I still have no father."

"You really should go back to playing what you were playing," Garrus shook his head and absently pointed his talons at the passing Quarians who now all did seem a little nervous to him. "And as far away from here as you can. I really don't need this right now."

"No," Grunt also shook his head. "I'm staying right here."

"No?" Garrus asked. Vega chuckled.

"No," Grunt replied.

"You know, Grunt, this is not funny. I'm anticipating a rough time here and I really would appreciate that you are not around to make fun of it."

"No," Grunt said.

"Seriously?"

"We're not going anywhere. You look like you'll need backup."

"Grunt," Garrus sighed again but this time because he could hear the honesty in Grunt's voice and was grateful. "This isn't something you guys can help me with."

"We can try," Grunt was not caving in. "How much time do we have?"

"Presuming our amigo here is waiting for the only ship out of Palaven landing today," Vega checked his data pad. "About ten minutes before the said ship pushes through the atmosphere and ten before it docks."

Garrus smiled. Somehow, having Grunt and Vega there trying to get on his nerves was actually calming his nerves a lot more than he could imagine.

"Thanks, guys," Garrus said. "But I really don't need the help."

"Not doing it for you," Grunt said. "I'm bored. About twenty minutes before what got you petrified walks out onto the landing pad then?"

"I wasn't petrified," Garrus insisted. "I was wound up, not petrified."

"ToMeito, ToMAto," Grunt said.

Vega laughed and high fived the krogan. Grunt returned the gesture with absolutely no problem and top notch professionalism.

You've been around humans way too long," Garrus shook his head more.

"I grew up on a human ship, remember?" Grunt laughed.

"We all did," Garrus laughed too.

"Now let's plan," Grunt said. "Never go into a fight without a plan. Tell us the target."

Garrus sighed.

There was silence between the three as they stood in a straight line watching the crowd.

"I had father trouble too," Vega suddenly said.

"This dude is always five minute late in the brain," Grunt snarled.

"Hey," Vega said. "Don't start your insults, Toad. I'm just saying."

* * *

"Target in sight," Vega announced. "Six o'clock."

"Let's go say hi," Grunt said.

"Seriously, guys," Garrus warned. "Back off."

Before he could push Grunt back, the older Vakarian had noticed his son and his companions and had turned his direction toward them.

"Oh shit," Vega said. "Target has spotted us."

"He's not a target! He's my dad!"

"Defensive position!" Grunt ordered.

The two immediately positioned themselves between the two Vakarians.

"With all due respect, sir," Vega said to the older Vakarian when he came up to the group. "You'll have to go through us if you're here to give Garrus a hard time!"

"What he said," Grunt said. "Heh heh heh."

"Will you two stop fooling around?" Garrus sighed. "Back off!"

The laughter from the older Vakarian surprised all three of the younger men.

"So this is my welcoming party?" His dad asked. "This is new. Usually I get escorted to the vehicle before anyone was willing to even speak with me."

"Come on guys," Garrus warned. "Game's over. Go back over there and do what you came here for."

"Fine," Grunt said.

But before he left, he looked straight into the older Vakarian eyes.

"I've fought with your son numerous times," Grunt said. "He's a good fighter, one of the best I've ever worked with. I thank you for training him into the formidable killing machine he is. But he is family, no matter how disgusting that might sound to me. And I will not take it sitting down if you give him a hard time!"

"Grunt!" Garrus ordered. "You're out of line! That's my-"

"It's quite all right, Garrus," his father said and turned to address Grunt, who was only a few inches away from him. "I'm honored that a Krogan would see my son as family."

"I'm not the only one," Grunt said. "Urdnot Wrex sees him as family too."

"Again," the older Vakarian said. "I'm very honored."

"You're not here to make life difficult for my family?" Grunt asked. "I don't take lightly of people making life difficult for my family."

"Me either," Vega added. "Sir."

Garrus' father laughed.

"Garrus, you've made some very interesting friends," he said. "Care to introduce us?"

After a quick introduction and lots of shoving and pushing to get rid of the two big extra "family members", Garrus turned to see his father still smiling. A smiling older Vakarian was never a rare sight in the house when he was younger because it was never at all a sight. Seeing his father smiling was something Garrus had mixed feelings about. He had noticed his father smiling more and more since the Reaper War ended and he did not know if he should take that as his father had changed or wonder if he should be happy about the change if his father had. A part of him wanted the strict, no nonsense father back so he could argue and fight with him every time they met but another part of him was grateful that his dad was smiling these days.

"Dad," Garrus greeted.

"Garrus," replied the older Vakarian.

"Before you say anything," Garrus said. "We're going ahead with it this time, no matter what. We'll not back out. I won't let Shepard give in even if she decides to. We're going through with it."

"No," his father said. "I don't suppose you will. And you know where I stand. I remain in the same position I was the last time you brought it up."

Garrus nodded. They stood there looking everywhere except each other for a full minute until the silence between them started to become uncomfortable.

"We're way over here if you need us," Vega shouted from across the hall when the two reached the position Garrus had ordered them to go and plant "their noisy asses" at. "Just shout if you need anything!"

"So," Garrus ignored his friend and cleared his throat. "Where's Sol?"

"She wanted to get some stuffs at the shops before she meets up with you," his dad replied. "Said something about Rannoch has what's called "duty free" shops? She's very excited about it. Said she needed to "check it out"."

"Oh yes," Garrus said. "The Quarians learned all these business ideas from the humans while they were repairing the relays after the war."

"Ah I've heard about that," the older Turian nodded. "They had practically their entire fleet stranded around Earth, didn't they? But I'm amazed they would pick up so many human business ideas in such a short time."

"Sol seems to enjoy them," Garrus smiled.

"She started reading up on the humans after we found out about you and Shepard," his father said. "It's not every day you get two big galactic heroes this close to home. She's rather taken by Shepard, I'll say. Seems like your sister has taken her up as a role model."

"But still," Garrus sighed. "You insist on making it hard for us to be married."

"I'm not the one doing it, son," his father sighed too. "But we are Turians. We have to follow the rules set down for us. These rules were set for a reason. And until you and Shepard find a way to change the situation..."

"Oh," Garrus' mandibles flickered slightly. "I assure you the situation has changed. A lot."

"Really?" his father was surprised.

"We have the entire Normandy team behind it," Garrus explained. "I doubt it can be ruined that easily this time. You know how tough our team is."

"That may only complicate matters," his father shook his head. "Not exactly what I mean when I said change the situation."

"Shepard's pregnant," Garrus said.

That statement took the older Vakarian aback and it showed in his eyes, the same kind of expressive blue eyes his sons had. Before he could say something, his son interrupted.

"Twins," Garrus stressed. "We're having twins. And no, they're not human babies. Well... not exactly. We're having Turian-human babies."

The older Vakarian blinked, lifted one talon and opened his mouth.

"I know what you're going to say, dad," Garrus interrupted again. "Dextro and levo DNA do not mix. But Mordin Solus found a way and Liara, Miranda and Chakwas, they were able to make it work. It's complicated. I mean we have some complications. No. No. Not exactly complications... I mean it has gotten complicated... nothing that is dangerous... just complicated. They would not do anything to endanger Shepard's life. I trust them. They're-"

"Son," his father said. "Shut up and let me speak!"

Garrus clamped up his jaws.

"You're telling me that you two managed to find a way to procreate?" His father asked. Garrus nodded. "And you two managed to create a new specie that has both dextro and levo DNA?"

Garrus nodded.

"And that it is already done and Shepard is having a new generation of Vakarians that will not look anything like Turians?"

"Yes," Garrus replied. "Yes to all. But Dad, no matter what, we're having the babies and we'll love them. Whether you approve of it or not. We want this! So before you say anything, I suggest you don't."

"How did you do it?" Garrus' father asked him.

"Dad, I'm not like the other Turians," Garrus did not hear the question. "I don't want to be like the other Turians. I can't ..."

"Son," his father shook his head. "Just let me talk."

"But-" Garrus said.

"Let me speak," Garrus' father warned.

"Go ahead, dad," Garrus apologized.

"I understand I was very rigid and unbending," his father explained. "And I forced you into doing things that you did not like."

Garrus' need to brush away what his father had just said was cut short by his father's gesture to let him continue.

"I'm not apologizing for what I made you go through," he said. "I'm now starting to believe an Earth saying that everything happens for a reason. Trust me, you sister did not keep what she's learning about humans to herself. She shares; even when I don't want her to."

Garrus and his father laughed lightly.

"Without me pushing you into C-sec," his father said. "You think you'd have ever met Shepard?"

Garrus' mandibles opened wide at the mention of his lover's name. His father could see the pride in his son's eyes.

"That's stretching it a little," Garrus' father said, smiling still. "But I am taking credit for it anyway. And for your information, I like Shepard. I think she's an exceptional human."

Garrus smiled.

"After your mom died," his father sighed, "And the Reaper war. I realized something else, son."

"What is it?" Garrus asked.

"I realized I've brought up a damn good son," his father smiled. "A damn good son whose words I can trust even though his actions would most likely worry me to death."

The older Vakarian proudly put both his hands on his son's shoulder.

"You put the Vakarians' name into the history books for being different and willing to stand up for it," his father continued. "And because you did, the entire universe now has you and the mother of your children to thank."

"Thank you, dad," Garrus said.

"So what makes you think I would object to the two of you having children?"

"It's just that-"

"Let me tell you something Garrus," his father laughed. "You mother and I once speculated that you might be the only one in the Vakarian family who would marry an Asari."

"What?" Garrus frowned.

"We did," his father was still laughing. "We laughed about it. You were what? Ten then? Maybe eleven. We were even guessing what base color our Asari daughter-in-law might look like. Your mother insisted she must have a blue base skin before she would allow her into the family. I told her you would be marrying a blue Asari over my dead body."

"I was never interested in any Asari," Garrus laughed. "That worry was uncalled for."

"You surprised us all by being interested in a human," his dad padded Garrus' shoulder affectionately. "Well, surprised us all but you mom."

"What do you mean, dad?" Garrus asked.

"Before she passed on," his dad told him. "Remember how sometimes she might have days when she was lucid and remembered the old times?"

"Yes, dad," Garrus said. "I was glad I was back in Palaven for her before she died."

"I am too, Garrus," his dad said. "One of those lucid days she had, she told me she thought you were in love. In love with your commanding officer. I told her she was being silly. Your commanding officer was human, that was what I said. She just smiled and asked me if I'd remember what we talked about. About you marrying an Asari. Then she told me, "We underestimated him.""

Garrus let out a quiet laugh. He had never let on about his relationship with Shepard while they were apart because he was still unclear where he stood with her. Yet, his mother had seen through him.

"That was a few days before you came to me about the Reapers," his dad said. "Your mom's words. They were still fresh in my mind when you talked about the Reapers to me. And I decided to not underestimate my son. That was then I decided to assist you."

"Thanks, dad," Garrus said. "You've no idea how much that means to me."

A Turian female stepped out onto the platform of the ship that the older Vakarian arrived in. When she saw them, she smiled slightly and started down the platform toward the two. Garrus narrowed his eyes as he watched the tall Turian female with dark green markings on her face strolled toward them with the intent of a predator.

"So, tell me about the unborns," his dad was saying. "How in the Spirits did you two pull it off?"

"I'll tell you more when we get there," Garrus said. "Right now, I see someone I do not wish to see crashing the party again."

The older Vakarian looked back to where his son was focusing his laser sharp gaze at and saw the object of Garrus' wrath slowly walking up toward them.

"I had to inform her," he told his son. "It would be against Turian customary regulations if I don't."

"I understand, dad," Garrus said. "But this time, we'll not be so nice. You should see Shepard pregnant. A pregnant human female is a force not to be reckoned with."

"Well," his dad said, turning and standing next to his son, fixing his eyes on the Turian female too. "You should have seen your mom when she had you too. You should say a pregnant Vakarian woman isn't a force you can reckon with. No pregnant Vakarian women are easy."

"She will never be a Vakarian," Garrus said, mentioning the female Turian who was now closer.

"If you can make her," his father said. "I won't stop you."

"Oh, I'll make her," Garrus said. "I'll make her."

"Hello, Garrus," the Turian said when she finally stood in front of them. "Not going to greet your rightful wife, I see."

"You wish," Garrus snarled.


	10. Chapter 10

"I don't get them," Wrex picked one of his little ones climbing about his shoulder and deposited him down onto the floor before gently pushing the one sucking on his knee out of the way with his foot. "They might as well allow a Rachni with a bomb strapped to it back into the wedding. It's less painful."

"I don't know, Wrex," Tali sighed; she herself was in a tug-of-war with another baby Urdnot who had decided her bridesmaid's dress needed less lace. "Turian customs, I suppose. What happened the first time on Tuchanka when they tried to get married anyway?"

"Shit happened," Wrex answered.

Tali waited.

"They should have just brought her on a ride in the Mako," Wrex was too busy with his kids to notice Tali waiting for more information. He again picked up the same crawling little Krogan who had now turned his attention to Wrex's pants and was trying hard to pull them down. Wrex put him next to his sister, who was grumbling and kicking after losing at the tug-of-war with Tali.

"One ride in that thing with Shepard at the wheel and that green faced Turian would quit bothering them," he said without looking up. "One vertical ride."

"Shepard's pregnant," Tali said.

"Yes," Wrex chuckled. "So I've heard."

"Pregnant women should not be going around driving Makos up anything," Tali winced at the memory.

"Won't stop her though," Wrex reminded her.

"I never knew planning a turian-human wedding could be this stressful," Tali sighed. "And there are so many of us helping! Not only do we have to worry about the wedding, but we also have Alenko and now this."

"Alenko is no problem," Wrex said. "Leave him to me. I'll just throw my hordes of little ones at his face one at a time if he opens his mouth."

"Why, Wrex," Tali thanked him. "That's sweet of you."

"You've not seen Emerin Arus?" Wrex laughed. "Unless I'm paid, and paid well, I'm not dealing with her."

"Is that the Turian's name?" Tali asked.

"Heard her family owned half of Palaven before the war," Wrex nodded. "Even Turians have their brand of rich, spoilt brats."

"You know, I don't get it either," Tali tabbed a finger on her bridesmaid helmet. "Shepard and Garrus are tough and determined. They will stop at nothing to get the job done. Why did they let that Turian woman stop them?"

"Like you said," Wrex shrugged. "Must be a Turian thing."

"And Shepard never even brought it up," Tali complained. "It's like she doesn't mind or care."

"Shepard's not an emotionless V.I.," Bakara said, coming into the room with a few bottles filled with liquid and Tali did not want know what it was. "But she's no Mary Sue either."

One look at her unruly half dozen children and Bakara immediately made a quick, almost inaudible rumble in her throat. Every one of the six misbehaving toddlers the two krogans had brought with them immediately stopped twitching, climbing and pulling at Tali and Wrex, standing almost at attention, waiting like little soldiers for their orders.

"How did you do that?" Tali looked around at the now pacified, very still standing little krogans. "Wrex couldn't get them to stay still even if he had threatened them with his guns!"

"What can I say," Wrex shrugged again. "What I am is the best bounty hunter in the galaxy and the best ruler of Tuchanka. What I'm not, is a nanny."

"It means he is at a loss because he can't shoot his way out of this horde," Bakara explained to Tali.

"So about this Turian female," Tali probed again. "What else?"

"An arranged marriage in Palaven is harder to break then carbon," Bakara continued. "Especially among two well-known families. And Varkarian is a well-known name on the planet. Now more so than ever before."

Tali turned and gave Wrex a look.

Wrex shrugged.

"Bakara," Tali said. "You're saying that this Emerin Arus wants to cash in on the Vakarian name? What with Garrus now being the most famous Turian in the galaxy? Isn't she already rich in Palaven, according to Wrex?"

"I'm not that well versed in things Turian," Bakara smiled. "I'm just a simple housewife. I can only speculate. But I don't need to be a simple housewife to know the Reaper War caused a lot of significant loses to a lot of people, rich or not."

"Simple, my ass," Wrex muttered.

The female Krogan sat down next to him as her children hurried to find their mother and nested themselves around her for a bottle. When they got their own bottle, they quietly started to coo.

"I also know," Bakara patted each of her children on their heads as she watched them drink. "That it was Shepard who gave in the last time. If she had not, Emerin Arus would not have gotten her way. I believe she decided against getting married for Vakarian's sake."

"Shepard?" Tali asked. "Why?"

"Not for me to say," Bakara replied. "But I've a feeling Arus isn't so much interested in who Vakarian is as oppose to what he represents in this new world."

"The wedding will occur," Tali breathed. "No one's crashing it. She's messing with the wrong people."

"I don't doubt it," Bakara said.

"Hard to crash a party when you are trapped and imprisoned," Wrex laughed, reminding them where Emerin Arus was at the moment.

"A guest room in the basement of my house is not a trap, nor is it an imprisonment," Tali argued though, admittedly, she was smirking behind the screen of her helmet.

"A guest room in the basement of your house that is built like a maze," the old Battlemaster leaned forward and laughed.

* * *

Emerin Arus rounded the corner of the house only to find herself in another room identically the same as the guest room she was given by the Quarian in pink just an hour earlier. Where in the Spirits were the stairs? She turned and headed back out and stopped in the middle of the corridor at the bend, looking left and then right. What kind of house came with a floor of rooms at an intersection? The left side looked identical to the right, with the same number of doors along each side. They were painted the same off-white and silver color.

"What is this place?" Emerin voiced her frustration. "Who the fuck would build something this complicated?"

"Looking for the stairs?" A female voice somewhere in front and to her right startled her. "This is actually my favorite level. It's really very simple. You'll get use to it after getting lost a dozen or so times."

"Who the hell is that?" Emerin called out. "Show yourself!"

"Where's the fun in that?" the voice said.

"I demand that you show yourself!" Emerin shouted.

"Demand is such a harsh word," the voice said. "What's the magic word?"

"I am Emrin Arus of the Arus family!"

"That means nothing to me unless you're rich and have a habit of collecting antiques," the voice replied. "Are you?"

"Give me the directions out of here, now!"

"Now, now. Don't be such a bitch." There was a quiet laugh again. "You're a guest. Should be more polite, Em. Don't you want to leave this house to get to Garrus' place? Isn't that why you're here? I've heard you are here to stop the wedding."

"I am Vakarian's rightful mate!" Emerin yelled at air.

"You don't seem to mind him with Shepard till they get technical with the relationship," the voice was still amused.

"I don't care to understand their disgusting relationship. But I have no desire to tarnish my family name. No one rejects the Arus name."

"A little birdie told me you did not exactly win the last round," the person behind the voice was clearly entertaining herself at Emerin's expense. "Shepard let you."

"That's preposterous!" Emerin was furious. "My demands are always met. I did not need to fight for it. And that human did not need to let anyone win. She had no claim then and she doesn't have claims now."

"That human saved the galaxy," the voice reminded her.

"Anyone could have done it," Emerin scoffed. "She was just being in the right place at the right time."

"Does hiding in a bunker two hundred feet under Palaven when the Reapers attacked fall under being in the right place at the right time too?"

The voice was now so close Emerin could feel the breath of the owner on her neck. She swung her arms at the invisible speaker only to hit air.

"Who are you?" Emerin asked. That was not a widely known piece of information and she would be damned if she did not shut this one up.

"Another little birdie, the one with Shadow Broker connections, told me that a certain prominent Turian family hid out in an underground facility when the Reapers attacked," the voice said from the left of her. Emerin turned quickly toward it.

"Apparently," now it was on her right. "The Arus family name was so noticed by the Shadow Broker after the little stunt you pulled two years ago that they decided to personally gather as much information on you as possible. And you know exactly how much information that could mean."

"That's a lie," Emerin spat.

"So where was the Arus family during the war?" It was impossible to pinpoint where the voice was coming from now. It seemed to be coming from all around her.

"Seems like only your youngest brother, Icarus, was the only one fighting the war," the voice laughed, enveloping her from all around. "And that same little birdie told me that he has unofficially disowned the family. And was last seen leaving for one of the more obscure Turian colonies in the Traverse after the war. So tell me, are the Arus family members this bad at being Turians that even one of their own decided to not be a part of it?"

"That's a lie," Emerin said, still looking around frantically to try her best, and failing, at catching the speaker. "Icarus was never really into the family. He's a rebel."

"I've heard hiding the way you did was considered criminal in Turian society," the voice said. "Worse than the barefaced, some would say."

"I'll have you know that the Arus family helped rebuild Palaven after the war," Emerin pointed out into the air. "And that Palaven has us to thank for bouncing back so quickly!"

"That's just a matter of being in the right place at the right time," the voice echoed. "Conveniently."

"I demand the way out, now!" Emerin shouted at the invisible woman.

"Magic word," the voice replied.

"Tell me now!"

"Magic word," the voice repeated.

"Tell me now or trust me," Emerin sworn. "You'll regret it."

"Magic word," the voice did not seem to be threatened at all.

"I am not saying "please"!" Emerin screamed.

"See, that wasn't that hard," the voice laughed. "Now, you said you wanted direction?"

To say Emerin Arus was steaming in her own fury was an understatement. But her need to punch the lights out of the one responsible only brought her more anger because she had no idea where the owner of the voice was.

"It's really rather simple," the invisible woman said merrily. "Turn left here and enter the fifth door then turn right, three doors down there and right after follow the corridor for about sixty meters to another door. Don't turn left, turn right. You know what, don't turn right. Don't turn left. That will take you to another corridor and there, look for a white door with no signs and that is it."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Emerin was beyond screaming.

"I just gave you the directions," the voice replied.

"There are only four doors along the left corridor and every door here has no sign!" Emerin yelled at empty space.

"You are not getting it," the voice made a "tsk" sound and said something in a language Emerin did not understand. It sounded like "bugger".

"Did you just curse at me?" Emerin exclaimed. "Did you just curse at me?"

"I merely called you a "baka"," the voice said. "It's nothing serious. Let me give it to you one more time. Turn left here. Enter the fifth door. Turn right three doors down there and right after follow the corridor for about sixty meters to another door. Don't turn left, turn right. Don't turn right. Don't turn left. That will take you to another corridor. Look for a white door with no signs and that is it. See? Simple."

"There's no fifth door to my left!" Emerin was howling by now.

"Oh," the voice sounded surprised. "You're one of those who can't find their way out even with clear directions, are you?"

"There's no fifth door to my left!" Emerin was so mad; she could feel her brow plates twitching.

"Tell you what, I'm in a good mood today," the voice snickered. "Two of my favorite people in this galaxy are getting married  
tomorrow. So I'm going to be nice and show you the stairs."

"You could've done that ten minutes ago!" Emerin roared.

"Oh well," if voice could shrug, it was shrugging. "I didn't think of it earlier. Thought you would be smart enough to get it just by giving you directions. Anyway, follow me. I'll take you there."

"What?" Emerin blinked.

"I said follow me," the voice was now farther from her as if it was running away from her.

"How the hell do you expect me to follow you?" Emerin shouted after it. "You're fucking invisible!"

* * *

_Notes:_ _Thanking DarkAislinn for her wonderful help. You are Godsend!_  
_Note: DarkAislinn writes wonderful ME fanfic. Go check her out under her DarkAislinn label in AO3!_


	11. Chapter 11

"There is no way I'm going to be able to fit into this dress today," Shepard sighed, looking from her stomach to the dress on the wall. Her belly had grown, again, overnight. "No way in hell."

"Will you stop fidgeting so I can take your measurements?" Liara sighed. "I can do something with the adjustments on the seamstress-meter but only if I get the right measurements off you."

"I'm not fidgeting, I'm pregnant," Shepard retorted.

"You're the worse pregnant woman ever," Liara sighed. "You like using that as an excuse, don't you?"

"I'm the worse pregnant woman ever?" Shepard stared. "It's your fault. You're paying for it."

"Oh stop complaining already," Liara brushed her hand at Shepard. "We all know you wanted this. You're just being a pain right now because you like doing it. I am glad you get this only once. I'll never make you pregnant ever again, trust me. Goddess."

"Being a pain is fun. Especially around Garrus. Kind of grows on me," Shepard laughed. "Get it? 'Grows on me'?"

"Goddess, please," Liara shook her head slowly while she continued to try and measure the woman. "Pregnancy has made you a more terrible joker than a dancer."

"Oh, shut up. You blue Prothean seductress," Shepard waved her surprised look away. "Don't think I didn't know you've a thing for Javik since we got him out of cryo. But don't you think Javik sometimes look like those pod crabs we saw on Virmire when he's moody? Especially when he's moody."

"Shepard!" Liara scolded.

"Ok! Ok!" Shepard surrendered. "I was joking. Whatever rocks your boat. But you know how he's like. I'd say you have a better chance with Feron than with Jarvik."

"Shepard! Feron is a good friend!"

"Garrus was a great friend. Didn't stop me from propositioning him. See? Garrus is a better choice than all the choices I was given," Shepard pointed to her stomach. "And now we are having this."

"Are you trying to be a matchmaker now?" Liara frowned. "I thought work like that, you'd leave it to people like us most of the time."

"I'm not matchmaking," Shepard laughed. "I'm hormonal."

"That's growing old," Liara warned.

"Ok, fine," Shepard agreed. "I'm curious, that's all. Why Javik and why not Feron?"

"Why Garrus and not Kaiden?" Liara asked.

"Because Kaidan pissed me off," Shepard answered. "Because Kaidan thought he knew what I should or shouldn't do, could or couldn't do, would and wouldn't do. Because half the time I saw him, he was talking about himself and the other half he was blaming me for not running things by him before I made my choices while he was talking about himself as if I were already married to him. I was Commander fucking Shepard. I didn't need a man I could report to. I needed a man who would be strong enough to say "Go do your thing, I have your back. And when I do mine, I know you have mine." Not "What did you do? Why didn't you tell me first? Why are you with this or that? Where have you been?" I knew the difference between control and concern. I wasn't a teenage girl looking for a prince. And frankly, do I look like the kind of women with the kind of personality for Kaidan?"

"Bingo," Liara lifted a finger. "As you humans say."

"You're telling me Feron wants to play the hero of the heroine too?" Shepard asked.

"Not that," Liara said. "Feron has not been given that chance. But between Javik and Feron, I know Javik does not treat me like a little girl. Besides the occasional "In my time" statements, he lets me do things my way. He is overbearing in other ways but never in suffocating my personality or freedom. I don't need to worry about offending his ego either. He actually welcomes that kind of challenge. He doesn't think he needs to rescue me or protect me because he knows I can take care of myself. But when I need him, he is always there. And although he has many things I do not want, he has a lot of qualities I need. Plus, I can trust him to not be a flirt since he thinks all races are either ugly or a delicacy in his time. He only respects the Normandy crew."

"So," Shepard flashed a wide smile. "Why didn't you come with your Prothean boyfriend?"

"How?" Liara blinked. "How did you know Javik and I are together?"

"You totally gave yourself away, Liara," Shepard laughed. "So where is that moody old Prothean?"

"He's running a quick errand for the Shadow Broker," Liara blushed. "He said he will be here today at least an hour or so before the wedding. I hate it when you do that, setting a trap up with some bombastic statements like Feron is better than Javik."

"You can't hide from me," Shepard said. "Remember not even your predecessor could. Plus, you're easy to set up."

"Then I better see to it that I learn not to be," Liara continued working on Shepard's dress, smiling.

"You two look good together, you know?" Shepard said. "And you can kick his ass when he goes into that depressive humor mode he gets into."

"He's not depressive anymore," Liara said. "Although he's now far more sarcastic and OCD. Sometimes I'm glad Protheans live as long as humans and Turians, although most times I drag thinking it."

Shepard made a disapproving face at her friend.

"You don't sleep next to a Prothean," Liara sigh. "You've no idea."

"I sleep next to a Garrus Vakarian," Shepard reminded her. "Trust me, I know OCD and sarcasm."

"I guess we know why Javik seems to like Garrus so much," Liara laughed. "I think Javik sees Garrus as his best friend without knowing what that means."

The two continued to wrestle with Shepard's wedding dress.

"What about that Arus lady?" Liara asked without looking up from her work.

"What about her?" Shepard fidgeted. "Awww, watch where you put that thing. It's cold."

"Stop moving, Shepard," Liara scolded. "And stop changing the subject. What about Arus."

"I'm not worry about Arus," Shepard said.

"Garrus is."

"He's Turian," Shepard shrugged. "Of course he's worried."

"Shepard," Liara dropped what she was doing and looked at her friend. "Turian society is status conscious. They have marriages that are based in name only to promote the family status. The Vakarian name is well sought after now more than ever because of Garrus' status as the Turian hero from the Normandy. The Normandy is now a legend and so is everyone who has ever served on it. Songs are being written about the ship and each of its crew and so are anthems, Shepard! Anthems made about Garrus by the Turians. Do you have any idea what that means to Turians? The kind of status elevation a Turian family will get with a marriage contract with the Vakarian family? Socially, politically and economically?"

"That's why we'd rather live on Tuchanka after the war," Shepard said. "I know the implication and I know why Arus is so determined. And I know Garrus is worried that no matter how hard he tries, he might lose this battle."

"So why are you not worry?" Liara asked.

"Because this is nothing compared to all the other people I have dealt with," Shepard shrugged again. "Wrex wasn't easy. Aria was worse. Saren wanted to destroy me. The Illusive Man had a gun pointed at me. Javik thought of me as food. Jack wanted to fry everyone, including me. Grunt would have killed everyone on the Normandy if he had not found respect for anyone. Zaeed would have done the same for a few credits. Miranda was Cerberus' bitch. Samara would have executed me for some of my decisions over the years. Now, after dealing with all these people, what makes you think Arus can do anything to me?"

"You'll be a great Shadow Broker," Liara laughed.

"I don't do gossips," Shepard said dryly. "And for crying out loud, I just can't fit into this anymore! I am going to my own wedding in my fucking tights and that is it!"

* * *

And that was indeed it. Even with the Shadow Broker's incredibly effective negotiation skills, the hall of wedding guests were greeted with a bride in a blue loose long shirt, dark slacks and military issued running sneakers. Tali gasped and looked down at herself. Why didn't anyone tell her the color scheme had changed? Miranda's eyes widened in horror. What the fuck was Shepard thinking? Where was that dress she took months to find for her? She was supposed to be wearing that! They agreed she would be wearing that!

"I couldn't stop her," Liara whispered as she slipped in next to the now confused Tali to take her own place as the bridesmaid. "I tried."

"Does she even know that the dress will hide her duck walk to the altar?" Miranda asked. "Does she know that I specifically researched and ordered that dress so that she won't look like a pregnant duck walking down the aisle on her own wedding day?"

"I dare not tell her she's walking funny because of her pregnancy," Liara said quietly, "I think we should just pretend to not notice."

"So we're not changing color scheme now?" Tali asked. "Because I'm really stressed out looking at that woman walking towards us."

"Waddling," Miranda scoffed. "She's bloody waddling towards us."

"It's ok, Tali," Liara said. "We'll just do this the best we can. Is Arus still confined to your basement?"

"So far," Tali answered. "I'll never plan another wedding. This whole thing is way too stressful."

"Look at her waddling," Miranda was saying. "God! Don't ever show me the vids from today, ever."

* * *

Garrus did not notice Shepard was walking funny. He did not know actually how walking funny in humans should look. What he did notice, however, was that his wife was finally in the hall and walking toward the altar. He immediately turned to the Quarian vow-maker.

"Can we hurry this along?" he asked.

The Quarian vow-maker was one of the few Quarians who had taken his helmet off after returning to Rannoch. He now stared at the groom with those intense Quarian slanted violet eyes.

"The bride is still walking to the altar," he reminded Garrus. "I've done a few human weddings and I remember very clearly the bride has to be next to the groom before we start."

"I can meet her half way," Garrus said. "I'll just run up there and we'll be next to each other."

"I mean at the altar!" The vow-maker pointed at the table.

"I can get the best men to carry that to her," Garrus pointed at Vega and Grunt. "They can carry a thrasher maw if you ask them. They are strong enough."

"It should be done here!" The vow-maker insisted.

"But we're in a hurry!" Garrus said. He did not want Emerin Arus to appear in the middle of the ceremony. He needed his already wife to be his official wife as soon as possible.

"It does not happen that way just because you are in a hurry!" The vow-maker said.

"We can make it happen if we want to," Grunt replied. "What say you, human? Ready to carry a table?"

"Anytime, amigo," Vega huffed.

"Then let's go," Garrus said.

The two best men surprised the guests and the vow-maker when they picked up the table and started following the groom towards the bride. The bridesmaids gasped a little but were quick to catch on to what they were doing. Miranda and Liara immediately followed them down the steps, passing the groom to get there at the bride's side before the men arrived.

"You need to learn to improvise and react accordingly on the spot," Tali told the vow-maker, who was stunted by the display of disrespect for the wedding tradition. "What are you waiting for?"

Tali pulled at his arm a little before running up to join the rest of the bridesmaids.

The vow-maker was still a little shell shocked and felt a little naked with the altar now on its way to be almost a whole thirty feet away from him. He looked from his hands to his feet to the guests sitting in front of him. They were cheering the groom as he made his approach to the bride. The bride was smiling and very much pregnant.

"You go, bird man!" A human with a baseball cap next to an android female was hooting.

"About fucking time you don't let the woman do all the work!" A female covered in tattoos near the android was shouting.

"Do you need assistance to reposition yourself?" A geth came up to him and asked.

"What?" The vow-maker blinked.

"We shall assist you in repositioning yourself," the geth said. "I have come to the consensus that after the war, our sole purpose should be to enrich the soul by being always available for assistance of another."

"Wha-," the vowmaker almost screamed when he was picked up and slung over the shoulder of the geth.

The whole hall was now clapping and cheering and people in the their seats were going, "Go! Go! Legion!"

A few Krogan toddlers were jumping up and down and screaming and laughing.

"Do you know that this unit has a soul?" the geth asked as he speed walked the vow-maker to where the altar now stood. "It is comforting to us, the geth, to know that we have souls."

"Put me down!" the vowmaker screeched.

"It would be counterproductive to put you down as we are speed walking," the geth replied. "The momentum might break your bones if I put you down now and trip us. The calculated angle of the trip suggests this and I will fall on top of you and break three point two five three of your teeth. It is not advisable to put you down."

"I say put me down!" the vow-maker screamed.

Almost at the same time a disembodied voice that sounded very close to them spoke, "Better hurry it up. Arus found the way out. She's coming up the stairs as we speak."

"Hurry, Legion!" the groom called out.

"Just turn around when you get here, Legion," Grunt said. "No need to put him down."

"What?" That's preposterous! I'm the vow-maker! I have rights!"

"So this is my wedding, huh?" the bride said, amusement in her tone.

"I'll make it up to you after the vow," the groom said. "Legion!"

"Put me down!" the vow-maker demanded.

"I politely decline," the geth they called Legion told him. "We are in a hurry."

* * *

_Notes:_ _Taking me longer to write this story than the ones before. I am busy up in the head right now with a lot of other things that I should not be worried about if I have faith... but I don't. And because of that, I am writing this a little faster than snails would write...if snails can write.  
_

_Thanks D.A. for your beta. Hugs._


	12. Chapter 12

Pressed against the wall with his attention directed purposefully toward the footsteps coming up the stairs, the senior Vakarian was reminded his days as a rookie in C-Sec on drug busts. His vision and senses were as heightened now as they were in those days and he realized how much he had missed the rush of adrenaline through his system into the very breath he took. It was a great feeling.

On the other side of the entrance way, pressed against the other wall, his daughter was giving him a wicked smile as if she knew what he was thinking. He put a talon up to his mouth, reminding her to stay in position but not give them away. They did not rush here to mess it up.

The footsteps got closer. He could hear Arus' grumbling clearer.

Vakarian signaled his daughter. Emerin Arus was walking up the stairs closer to where Solana was standing. This was her show now. Solana's face was a sudden reflection of resolves. The wicked look of mischief gone. She gave a curt nod and pressed her back harder against the wall. Her knees bent slightly and locked.

Father and daughter started mouthing the count of footsteps silently.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

"Who the fuck builds a house with a basement the size of a hanger?" Arus cursed.

Six.

Seven.

Eight.

The footsteps sounded much closer now. Arus was ascending it at a quick pace. Solana was ready but her father put up a hand to stop her. Solana nodded slightly to tell him she would follow his lead.

Nine.

Ten.

Eleven.

The older Vakarian finally put his hand down and nodded once.

Clearly understanding his signal, Solana bent down and moved her body to get maximum force out of it. She pulled her left arm back, locked it while her feet pivoted toward the direction of where her fist would end. And without leaning forward, she made a full rotation with her arm extended. Spinning her hips while in crouch and rotating her torso, she punched out from her shoulder, a trick her father had taught her, hitting as hard as she could and as fast as she could make it without losing power or over extending her arm.

The distance that her father calculated was just right and Solana's training on executing power, accuracy and surprise in her punches added the little extra she needed for the momentum when her fist came in contact with the other Turian's stomach, expelling all air from the other's diaphragm.

Without waiting to see the effects, Solana immediately turned her body back to the wall and pressed herself back against it.

The "thump thump" sound randomly mixed with "plunk" and "ouff" and "eeek" told both of them that they had accomplished what the youngest in the Varkarian family had set out to do. Solana stood up as gracefully as she had crouched down.

Father and daughter took three huge steps in opposite directions from the stairs and took off, coming together again a third of the way in the hall to head back to where a very unhappy vow-maker was slung over the shoulder of a geth.

"Spirits," Solana said. "That felt good."

The guests ahead of them were now standing in a semi circle around the newly positioned altar. This was not a quiet wedding.

"See, Dad," Solana put her arm over her father's. "Told you that would work."

"Let's hope we bought Garrus more time," her father seemed proud of what she had done. "And let's hope she broke something on the way down."

"A joke, Dad?" His daughter chuckled at the thought of Arus falling down the stairs and breaking her crown while her father clapped gleefully at one corner. "That's new."

"I joke," the senior Vakarian said as a matter of fact.

Solana muzzled against her father the same way she did when she was younger before breaking away.

"Thanks of going along with what I wanted to do. I thought you were there to stop me when I ran over after hearing that Arus was coming up."

"Why would I stop you? I've been wanting to do that to her for a long time," her father chuckled too.

"It felt great, didn't it?" Solana asked.

"It felt incredibly great," the older Vakarian agreed but then immediately stopped dead in his track. "She didn't see it was us, did she? It would be hard to explain that to her family."

"No, she didn't," Solana scoffed at her father. "And here I thought you have given up on being a snob."

"Having pride in who you are is not being snobbish," her father corrected her. "But I really have no intention of explaining why an aged, wise Turian such as myself would do something as unsophisticated and juvenile as that to anyone. It is good she did not see it was us."

"Oh, Dad," Solana snickered. "Garrus and my ideas are always unsophisticated and juvenile to you. When will you just admit you're afraid to deal with her parents?"

"Nonsense, I've dealt with worse."

"I'll gladly be the fall guy if you want," a voice to their left startled Solana so much she was ready to pull her gun until she remembered it was the same voice that had given the warning to her brother earlier that Arus was walking up the stairs.

"It would be prudent to not stay in cloak when you are speaking to friends, Miss Kasumi," the older Vakarian warned.

"Sorry," Kasumi said almost in a whisper. "Can't decloak yet just in case I am needed to do recon. I doubt she'll stay down there long."

"I think we knocked her out," Solana whispered back.

"For a bit, maybe," Kasumi's voice was closer now. "Let's hope it's long enough."

"Why don't we just wrap her up in a carpet and get her out of here?" Solana suggested to the others as they walked. "Put her on a sky transport and let her cruise on the sky causeway for a couple of days. That will give Garrus more than ample time."

"Not possible," her father shook his head. "The few ways out of this place pass this hall. I've checked when I first arrived. Even if I agreed to this ludicrous idea, Garrus and Shepard will not be happy to see her rolled up in a carpet."

"I'm impressed," the voice that was Kasumi said from behind. "You've not lost your touch. You're still very much a C-sec officer at heart."

"I just wanted to make sure where all the exits were," Solana's father said. "Just in case I needed to escape from Arus."

"Did you just make another joke?" his daughter was amazed.

"I think he did," said the voice behind. "I'm going to check on Arus. Hope she's out but not dead. Hard to explain a dead guest on a wedding day to a rigid Specter friend of Shepard's who is in the guest list."

"You've convinced more than one Spectre to give up on apprehending you, Miss Kasumi," the older Vakarian said without looking back. "I'm sure you can think of something."

"You sound like you wouldn't mind her dead," Kasumi said.

"I doubt she is," Vakarian said. "I trained my son and daughter. I know how much damage they put into each of their punches from the way they pull them. Arus might have sprained something on her way down though."

"I think that was a joke too," Kasumi said dryly.

"He's new at this," Solana defended her father but was laughing nonetheless. "Give him time."


	13. Chapter 13

"I've got to see what's down there," Joker said to himself, trying to look nonchalant while eyeing the Turian father and daughter who were talking quietly, farther at the east corner of the hall. "They did something there."

"Is everything all right, Jeff?" his significant other asked.

"Nothing," Joker smiled at EDI. "You know, gotta go-"

"The restrooms are on the west side of the hall, Jeff," EDI looked at him.

"Tali said there are some in the basement too," Joker said. "Closer to me then the other end of the hall. Going through these folks might make me break something."

"Going down the stairs gives you an eighty-two point seven-two percent more chances of breaking...something."

"I'll take the elevator," Joker kissed EDI on the cheek and started toward the end of the hall. "Be right back."

"There is no-" EDI did not need to finish her statement to know Joker was not listening because he was in a hurry.

"What the fuck is wrong with him?" Jack asked.

"He said he needed to visit the bathroom," EDI answered, watching Joker pounced off. "Although judging from his heart rate, his frenzied movements and the slight shifting of his eyes from lying, I gathered he is heading toward the basement to look at an unconscious Turian female who, from my scans' indication, is Emerin Arus."

"Are you fucking kidding?" Jack's mouth was hanging open. "And that dumbass did not invite me along?"

* * *

The stairs were darker compared to the wedding hall but Joker could make out the shape of a Turian lying below it.

"What the-" he almost shouted.

"Shush!" An invisible Kasumi hushed him before he could continue. "Keep it down, Joker."

"Who is that?" Joker hobbled down the last few flights of stairs as quickly and carefully as he could.

"Is she dead?" he tabbed the sole of his shoe on the body of the Turian.

"It's Kasumi," the voice answered.

"I know it's you," Joker said without looking away from the Turian. "I was asking who this is and if she was dead?"

"No," Kasumi said. "Passed out. Scanned her too. Nothing broken. Turians are tough, I'll have to say. She had the air knocked right out of her. Emerin Arus, meet the famous Normandy pilot. Joker, meet the famous Vakarian nemesis."

"She's the one?" Joker bent forward a bit to take a better look. "I'd think she would be bigger. You know, meaner, bigger-"

Joker made a face, bearing his teeth to suck in air in, an animation of what mean meant to him, and finally realized he had been talking to air. No wonder Kasumi had introduced herself just now.

"What the hell are you doing cloaked?" he asked.

"Recon here," Kasumi replied.

"What's there to recon on an unconscious woman?"

"Trust me," Kasumi said. "I've been in the business long enough to know when going stealth is best."

"What are you planning on doing?" Joker asked brushing away her explanation with a wave. "Did you even plan all this?"

"I don't know yet," came Kasumi's reply. "And no. I didn't plan all this. I planned to get her all lost down here until she found the liquor reserve but she was smarter than I gave her credit for. Could have punched her myself and let her fall down the stairs but that honor was taken by Garrus' sister."

"So that was what Garrus' family were looking all shady about," Joker nodded. "And there I thought they did not like the human-Turian wedding."

"Should hide her," Kasumi was saying to herself. "But none of these rooms here have locks. Legion doesn't need locks for his quarters."

"Or windows, apparently," Joker pointed to the nearest room. "We should put her in that room over there, then find a chair or table from another and put over it. Or jam it. Or whatever."

"Good idea," Kasumi agreed. "Help me get her up."

"Woooh," Joker's both hands were up in defeat before she finished. "I might break a rib or something. Remember? Me? Brittle bone guy? Not exactly cured yet? I live in a galaxy that can bring back the dead but not cure Vroliks syndrome."

"At least help a bit," Kasumi said. "You've any idea how heavy Turians are?"

"Fine," Joker said. "Lift her up and if I can, I'll see what I can do."

Joker watched, a little amazed but more with dropped jaw shock when the unconscious Turian suddenly jerked up the side of the wall. The left hand lifted into the air as if to wave Joker over but it flapped right back down halfway through its intention. The right arm was then raised, the same way the left did but this arm decided to wave to the air in an opposite direction to him. A tough yank and with another bolt of spasming jerks later, the Turian's whole body was switched left, then turned right, then wrenched up. She was then finally standing upright, slumping against the wall. And when it was clear she was not steady enough, both her arms suddenly sprang out and after a few jerking motions of her chest, her body was lightly slammed against the wall. This repeated itself for a few times while Joker blinked.

"What the hell are you doing?" Joker asked as he watched the unconscious Turian slide a third of the way back to the floor. It was stopped by another jerk and the raise of an arm. "She looks like she is convulsing and saying hello to the sandman while trying to imitate a dancing Shepard. Haven't you heard of the Fireman Carry?"

"Shut up, Joker," Kasumi's breathing was heavy. "I need her upright to do that. At least I'm-"

Kasumi huffed as she pushed Arus into an upright position once more and judging from the way the Turian was leaning forward against something, Kasumi was right in front of the unconscious form.

"Have you turned?" Joker was saying. "You need to face away from her to do that. You've got to turn-"

"Joker?"

The voice at the stairs that was not really a whisper nor in normal tone startled Joker into a slight yep.

"What are you doing down there? Who is that with you?"

"Kaidan!" Joker screeched in greeting and swallowed. "Kaidan! What are you doing here?"

"I saw you walk off so I followed," Alenko answered.

Joker looked at Arus' body. It was definitely propped up against an invisible Kasumi at the most awkward looking position. Kasumi must have stopped moving the moment she heard Alenko's voice on the stairs. Arus now looked like a Turian scarecrow with a hanging head, a hanging head which was most likely nested on Kasumi's shoulder. Fearing that looking at Arus' graceless, artlessly popped up form would give them away, he snapped his head back to the stairs where the other man was clearly descending.

"Is everything okay here?" Alenko was asking. "Your friend there doesn't look so good."

"Stop!" Joker shouted.

Alenko's foot was in midair on the next step.

"I mean stop," Joker tried to calm his nerves. "Step's got problems."

Alenko's foot was still raised.

"I mean it's booby trapped," Joker lied. "Legion has this whole basement booby trapped. It's very tricky to walk around down here. The one you are about to step on, it's totally rigged. And the rest too."

"What are you talking about?" Alenko asked but retreated his foot back to the step his other foot was on.

"You know how the geth can get," Joker quickly said. "Paranoid."

"How did you two get down there then?"

"We skipped," Joker said without thinking.

"You skipped?" Alenko's words came out slow. "And you didn't break something in your body?"

"You know how it's like, practice makes perfect,"

"He means," it was Kasumi. "We've been in this house many times now."

"You really don't look so good, Miss," the human Spectre said. "Your breathing is very hard and... and you've got something in your mouth."

"I'm drooling. Bet you never know Turians drool," the unconscious Turian shrugged with both arms wide opened.

And in a lower voice, Kasumi added grudgingly, "I sure didn't."

That was Joker's cue. They needed to get rid of Alenko or Kasumi might turn herself loose on him if the unconscious Turian were to lose more of her bodily functions. He needed to get rid of Alenko now.

"She's not ill, she just had one too many. We were just going to make her a cup of Turian tea, right? Joker asked.

Arus waved. Or rather, Kasumi flapped her arm so Arus' hand looked like it waved. Then the body that was Arus turned. Joker could only presume Kasumi was trying to get Arus out of the way

With her body arched at angle supported by pointed ballad like feet, Arus started to cruise out of Alenko's view.

"Are you sure you are really ok? You're walking funny." Alenko was beyond concern. He was worried.

"Fine! All of us walk that way when we get a bit drunk," the Turian must indeed be heavy. Kasumi was out of breath.

"I've never seen a Turian walk like this when they are drunk," Alenko did not move from his position but he was leaning forward. "You guys tiptoe when you are drunk? You're barely touching the floor."

"Turian females, I bet you never actually seen a drunk Turian female," came another heavy breath reply.

"No."

"Well, there," Joker was starting to wonder if Kasumi was able to hold up the Turian any longer. "Buy them a couple and they start to pile and do Swan Lake on you. You should really go back up there. They might need a Spectre to calm the vow-maker down... I can still hear him cursing."

"You guys really don't need help?" Alenko asked again, although this time, it seemed that Joker had hit him with the right note. The mention of someone needing a Spectre was throwing Alenko off their scent.

"No!" Kasumi's speech was now short and had become the fill in for breaths. "Tea. That way. Quick."

"Okay, I guess I better head back up and see if the vow-maker needs help," Alenko turned.

Joker almost started to breathe when Alenko turned around again, "By the way, you have a lovely accent. Never knew Turians have such accents. Reminds me of Japan on Earth."

Kasumi might have said thank you, pushing out the words from the worn out respiratory tract of hers. And Alenko might have heard her said thank you too as he walked back to the ceremony because he answered, "My pleasure.

But from where Joker was standing, he could have sworn she said, "Fuck you."

* * *

"I swear, Joker, you are useless outside the cockpit," Kasumi was still breathless albeit a little pissed off too.

Arus was spread eagle in the corner of the white room next to the door. The room was as empty as the one they had tried the first time, no chairs; nothing.

"No chairs, no tables," Kasumi finally uncloaked and sat down next to the Turian, looking exhausted. "The rooms around here are all bare. Guess Legion doesn't need chairs or tables."

"What? Chairs and tables are not structural weakness'," Joker tried to lighten her mood. "I've seen him sit a lot. EDI loves to sit."

"Well, he doesn't seem to want to sit now that he has an entire basement as his home. And EDI sits so you don't stare at her ass all day."

"Shit. Is that the real reason?" Joker cursed.

"You're hopeless," Kasumi replied as she shook her head, seemingly happier than a moment ago.

"Why can't we just roll her up in a carpet and throw her into the sky transport?" Joker asked. "There might not be anything in here but there are a few white carpets out along the corridor."

"What is it with you people and carpets?" Kasumi let out a deep sigh.

"What?"

"Never mind. Anyway, that won't work. We have to get past the ceremony. Totally gives us away."

"Ok. What about just rolling her in a carpet?" Joker suggested. "Look, there's no lock, and there's no chair. Roll her up with that white carpet outside. The one by the stairs looks pretty long. When she wakes up, hopefully she will take a while to get out."

"It's a terrible idea," Kasumi said.

"You have a better one?"

"No."

"Then?"

"I just moved her in here!"

"We can leave her here," Joker said. "I'm just saying it would take her longer to wiggle out of that carpet."

"Fine, but I am tired," Kasumi looked at Arus' unconscious body. "We're going to drag her out. Not me but," she paused and smirked at Joker. "_we_."

"What? Don't look at me. I can't drag a mop across the floor without breaking something," Joker insisted, shaking his head. "You're on your own."

Kasumi whined, "Oh come on! You can't seriously be that brittle!"

"Did you two just kill Arus?" Jack's voice came booming into the room at the same time she stuck her tattooed head through the opening of the door.

"What the fuck!" Joker jumped. "Where the hell did you crawl in from?"

"From the hole that used to be your dick. What the fuck happened here?" Jack asked Kasumi, ignoring Joker's outburst.

"She fell down the stairs and fainted," Kasumi held out her hand.

"Fainted?" Jake pulled her up. "That is so fucking un-glam."

"What do you know about glam?" Joker asked.

"I know this whole spread turtle look is fucking un-glam even for Turians," Jack said.

"I thought it was supposed to be spread eagle?" Joker folded his arms.

"That woman there look more like a 'spread turtle'," Jack answered. "Vakarian will be more of a 'spread lizard' if he faints. Now, his sister, will be the 'spread eagle'. It's all about the whole fucking skin color thing."

Joker was about to counter Jack's words with some color and tone lessons when Kasumi hushed them both.

"Shut up!" she snapped. "Did you guys hear that?"

The two stopped talking. Then they all heard it.

Whining. Groaning. Slight Movement on the floor.

"Holy shit," Joker whispered. "She's waking up!"

A sudden biotic power surge hit the Turian and Arus fell still again. The other two looked wide eye at the one responsible.

"What?" Jack asked. "I didn't fucking kill her. I just knock her out, that was all."

"You know," Kasumi said quietly. "I'm beginning to feel sorry for her."

"Quick!" Joker was not paying attention. He was signaling frantically to the two women. "Help! Jack – take her legs! Kasumi – take her arms!"

"And then what?" Jack signaled frantically back.

Joker opened the door and showed her the carpet, a grin splitting his face in two.

"What are you guys waiting for?" Joker pointed to the carpet. "If we hurry, we can still catch the ceremony!"

_Thanking D.A for your help again. I am learning a lot about how to use proper quotes and Italics from /  
Been slack lately. Super stressed out atm. In less than three months I will be moving to another country. It's scary. I do not know anyone in that part of the country and as always, doing everything alone, from packing to finding a place, etc. And everything is not happening till it happens in a few months so planning needs to be in the head. And gosh, that is worse than running up 100 flights of stairs... For the passed week, I find myself sleeping less and less while doing mindless things like building in opensims to distract myself. And it's like a hamster on a wheel, going no where._


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